Have you ever considered who you are? How do or how have your dreams impacted who you have become? I keep thinking about how difficult it was to recall MY childhood dreams. I recall dreams of being an actress, nun, or getting married and having 12 kids (which thankfully did not come to fruition).
However, I realized that as early as elementary school, the dreams I had, were
centered around what I was told was expected of me once I turned 18. That
learned behavior taught me to deny my thoughts and dreams to the point of
sabotaging my own dreams.
I went to Catholic school for 12-years. Throughout the 12 years,
two things were dominant. Joke telling and detention seemed to go hand-in-hand.
I remember beginning my "career" of being on detention as far back as
3rd grade and maintaining this career until I graduated from the 12th grade. No
matter how much detention I had, I maintained my grades and was never held back
from moving to the next grade. I never understood why the nuns took offense to
my talent for telling jokes.
I recall during my pre-teen years of still being the class
clown, of taking the shy and/or new students under my wings, befriending them,
and offering encouragement while they developed their own level of being comfortable. I would later learn that I actually had a gift for
nurturing; being a motivator and an encourager. I also knew that I hated rules
and hated being told what I couldn't do. As I got older, I saw how some rules
had actually limited my growth. In my teens, I was still the class clown, the
defender/advocate of the underdog. High school brought about thoughts of
breaking free from strict family guidelines.
I found myself being intrigued
with how the mind worked. A career as an FBI profiler remained in the forefront of my mind. I was also interested with debating issues and showing
how there was more than one way to look @ things. I didn't like it when anyone
tried to push their viewpoints on me. Fellow students often brought their ideas, concerns and issues to me and I enjoyed going through the decision-making process with them. Of course,
there were also times that I enjoyed just telling them what they needed to do.
(This "bossy" phase would last quite a while).
Then, a strange thing happened in high school. I began to notice
that I would "know" things would happen even before they happened.
For example, I can recall during the last day of school for the 11th grade, my teacher (one of
the nuns) trying to calm the class down from all the excitement. Sister said she had news to tell us. I raised my voice above all the classroom chatter and asked everyone to quiet down because Sister was going to tell us
that she was leaving the convent to get married. I watched as the color drained from Sister's face and knew it was because of my smart-aleck comment. I was embarrassed by what I said and was
even more embarrassed when Sister said, "How did you know?". What???
Sister acknowledged that that was indeed what she wanted to tell the class. She
also wanted to know who told me. I had no idea where that thought came from. I
had no explanation for what or why I had blurted out that comment. I would,
however, have more opportunities of "predicting" things. I would be chastised and/or questioned about my predictions/revelations. I was ridiculed for my "lucky" guesses. In corporate America,
the one word that was always consistent on my appraisals was the word
"visionary"; of having the ability of "foresight". In church environments, it was @ times
referred to as "prophetic". It was something that was
misunderstood by me and I found myself being afraid and no longer wanting to
share anything I considered "futuristic".
Eventually I learned that my childhood dreams and experiences served a
purpose. It laid the foundation of who I was to become: a trusted individual, a
good listener, an encourager; of being able to break through limiting beliefs and behaviors. I enjoy being silly and telling
jokes. God gifted e with a caring heart.
My "self" is not about how others see me or judge me. God developed and wrote my "story". He has shown me who I am. He continues to show me how my story, how I handled difficult and
challenging situations would resonate with people.
All in all, I've learned to no longer focus on the negative. Instead, my focus should be on the positive that God provides. I've learned how to be a "flipper". When doubt or negative thoughts enter my mind, I now "flip it" by turning it into a positive. God's grace and mercy has brought me
out of many trials and tribulations. He has revealed HIS heart to me. He continues to show me that my
willingness to listen to His plan for all things (including the visions) will
keep me on the path He has chosen for me.
Do you know who you are?
