Fear and the CIA

Each of us has dealt with fear in our lives. Whether it's fear of change, phobias, a reluctance to do something, fear can be downright scary. The paralyzing effect that fear emits can, by itself, be threatening.

Fear can cause our hearts to beat faster. Fear will make us cry, it will make us sweat, and it will stop us in our tracks. Fear can also make us curious. What is it about fear that, just by merely thinking about it, can cause havoc?

Fear, by definition, is anxious concern; an unpleasant, often strong emotion caused by anticipation or awareness of danger. Fear is a lack of courage; a reluctance to do something, an aversion.

When fear enters our lives it can shut us down making us a prisoner of our circumstance. Too many times we hear of people having panic attacks, of not being able to move. I can't imagine feeling so powerless that I can't get my body to react during a time of perceived danger.

Fear will prevent us from making decisions, whether hard or simple. Not being comfortable with the outcome, being uncertain, not trusting your gut feelings causes you to remain dormant or stuck where you are. Doubt can rear its ugly head and cause you to question your decisions. Should I accept the promotion, buy the car, marry or divorce, etc.? How many great opportunities have been sacrificed because you were afraid to take a risk?

We've all made decisions only to second-guess ourselves. We allow doubt to manifest itself. Once fear enters into the decision it can fester. This festering provides challenges that prevent us from moving forward.

One of the ways to combat fear is by taking action. Taking action requires courage, hence what I call, CIA, Courage In Action. In order to rid oneself of fear, one must have the courage to acknowledge that change is necessary. Having the desire to change things that are in your control is a good motivator. Focusing on the positive results you obtain will go a log way towards reducing your fears. Taking action steps provides you with the strength to make and support the removal of your self-imposed roadblocks.

In order to take action, you have to map it out. When doubt tries to penetrate your mind, having a plan you can refer back to will reveal the progress you have made. Taking courage in action enables you to "flip" the negatives into "positives".

So, instead of being tormented by fear, decide that you are going to fight being fearful. When fear steps into the ring with you and tries to sucker-punch you into believing that you can't, that change is not good, that you are better off remaining as is, get ready to come out swinging. Don't allow fear to keep you imprisoned. Take a stance. Deliver a knockout punch against the bully you call fear. You will be the one left standing!!  

Who AM I?

Have you ever considered who you are? How do or how have your dreams impacted who you have become? I keep thinking about how difficult it was to recall MY childhood dreams. I recall dreams of being an actress, nun, or getting married and having 12 kids (which thankfully did not come to fruition).  However, I realized that as early as elementary school, the dreams I had, were centered around what I was told was expected of me once I turned 18. That learned behavior taught me to deny my thoughts and dreams to the point of sabotaging my own dreams.

I went to Catholic school for 12-years. Throughout the 12 years, two things were dominant. Joke telling and detention seemed to go hand-in-hand. I remember beginning my "career" of being on detention as far back as 3rd grade and maintaining this career until I graduated from the 12th grade. No matter how much detention I had, I maintained my grades and was never held back from moving to the next grade. I never understood why the nuns took offense to my talent for telling jokes.

I recall during my pre-teen years of still being the class clown, of taking the shy and/or new students under my wings, befriending them, and offering encouragement while they developed their own level of being comfortable. I would later learn that I actually had a gift for nurturing; being a motivator and an encourager. I also knew that I hated rules and hated being told what I couldn't do. As I got older, I saw how some rules had actually limited my growth. In my teens, I was still the class clown, the defender/advocate of the underdog. High school brought about thoughts of breaking free from strict family guidelines. 

I found myself being intrigued with how the mind worked. A career as an FBI profiler remained in the forefront of my mind. I was also interested with debating issues and showing how there was more than one way to look @ things. I didn't like it when anyone tried to push their viewpoints on me. Fellow students often brought their ideas, concerns and issues to me and I enjoyed going through the decision-making process with them. Of course, there were also times that I enjoyed just telling them what they needed to do. (This "bossy" phase would last quite a while).

Then, a strange thing happened in high school. I began to notice that I would "know" things would happen even before they happened. For example, I can recall during the last day of school for the 11th grade, my teacher (one of the nuns) trying to calm the class down from all the excitement. Sister said she had news to tell us. I raised my voice above all the classroom chatter and asked everyone to quiet down because Sister was going to tell us that she was leaving the convent to get married. I watched as the color drained from Sister's face and knew it was because of my smart-aleck comment. I was embarrassed by what I said and was even more embarrassed when Sister said, "How did you know?". What??? Sister acknowledged that that was indeed what she wanted to tell the class. She also wanted to know who told me. I had no idea where that thought came from. I had no explanation for what or why I had blurted out that comment. I would, however, have more opportunities of "predicting" things. I would be chastised and/or questioned about my predictions/revelations. I was ridiculed for my "lucky" guesses. In corporate America, the one word that was always consistent on my appraisals was the word "visionary"; of having the ability of "foresight". In church environments, it was @ times referred to as "prophetic". It was something that was misunderstood by me and I found myself being afraid and no longer wanting to share anything I considered "futuristic". 

Eventually I learned that my childhood dreams and experiences served a purpose. It laid the foundation of who I was to become: a trusted individual, a good listener, an encourager; of being able to break through limiting beliefs and behaviors. I enjoy being silly and telling jokes. God gifted e with a caring heart. 

My "self" is not about how others see me or judge me. God developed and wrote my "story". He has shown me who I am. He continues to show me how my story, how I handled difficult and challenging situations would resonate with people. 

All in all, I've learned to no longer focus on the negative. Instead, my focus should be on the positive that God provides. I've learned how to be a "flipper". When doubt or negative thoughts enter my mind, I now "flip it" by turning it into a positive. God's grace and mercy has brought me out of many trials and tribulations. He has revealed HIS heart to me. He continues to show me that my willingness to listen to His plan for all things (including the visions) will keep me on the path He has chosen for me.

Do you know who you are?

Best Friends Forever (Not)

I've had the same best friend forever. I remember first meeting her in elementary school. There was something about her that drew me to her instantly. We just clicked. She became a part of me.

Thinking and acting alike we shared many different experiences. Together, we celebrated numerous milestones, whether it was my birthday, first date, graduation, etc. No matter what was happening in my life, she was always there. We were inseparable.

I don't recall exactly when we became best friends. I do know that as the years progressed, I began to depend on her more and more. She knew me so well. She knew exactly what to say. Her words meant so much to me. I trusted that everything she revealed and said to me was for my betterment. It got to the point that I didn't make any decisions without her input.

But now... Something has changed. As we drive to work together, something feels different. I'm not happy to see her. In fact, I've been dreading that I will have to spend time with her. Lately I've become detached. It's as though I've outgrown her. I no longer have patience with her. My ears immediately tune out her voice.

My friend stares at me. I know that she senses that I have begun pulling away from her. She tries to hold on tighter to me by reminding me of the times we spent together. She reminds me of all we've been through. Se reminds me of what she has taught me.

A dose of reality, like having ice-cold water dumped on me, has stopped me dead in my tracks. This toxic relationship has resulted in so much negativity. I have to get off this road of destruction.

So, without any regret, it is time to say goodbye to my friend, Discouragement. Discouragement can no longer feed me. I have begun the detox. The truth and a change in my belief system have begun to make me whole. I have a new best friend, Encourager. We are a better fit and I am looking forward to a positive and thriving life.

Surviving The Deceitful Lies We Tell Ourselves

Throughout our lives, we have all heard things or been told things about ourselves that we may find hurtful. On top of these, are the lies that we tell our selves. "In order for me to be successful, I have to look and act a certain way; I'm insignificant; I'm not loved; I'm not good enough", etc.

These lies could have been perpetrated by a loved one or by the comparisons we make of our selves against others. We inflict pain on ourselves as we allow the lies to fester. We doubt our abilities which, in turn, impacts our confidence. We build walls to protect ourselves from becoming vulnerable. As an example, if as a child, you grew up in a family that didn't have enough money or food to eat, one of the lies that you may have told yourself is that you had to hoard up on food to protect yourself from starvation. This lie could manifest itself into a need to amass material things. Your lie may have begun with fearing a lack of food, however, it could also lead you down an entirely different path.

As we internalize these lies, we set ourselves up to be a victim or play the role of a martyr. When we are in the "martyr" role, it's easy to lay blame. Laying blame allows us to justify our position of being angry with other individuals, having an attitude against others or holding on to a grudge. Do you really want to have that much unhappiness in your life?

No matter where the lie originates from, it can cause hurt, anger and/or disgust. Why do we allow these non-truths to handicap us, to slow us down or to even stop us from believing that we can break the cycle of lies? Stop living in the past. Stop replaying the non-truths in your mind. Acknowledge the changes you've made toward having a positive life.

We are accountable for what we believe. We owe it to ourself to ensure that the digestion of our beliefs provides us with a clear picture of who we are. We can accomplish this by no longer accepting the lies. We no longer have to make the lies a subject of conversation. Let go of the lies. Holding on to the lies will only cause bitterness and frustration. Free yourself by examining what is in your heart. Conduct a self-analysis. Be honest. What is standing in the way of you breaking down the walls of lies you tell yourself?

Finally, your emotions will play into your lies. Fear, anxiety, anger, stubbornness are a few examples. Successfully identifying the emotion that you are dealing with, defusing or managing the emotion will contribute towards you facing truths about yourself. These truths will be the key to unlocking the lies. Claim your truths!! That's the only way to survive the deceitful lies we tell ourselves.

I Am NOT The Complaint Department

Throughout my life I've had people confide in me. I've been told I'm easy to talk to and that I am a good listener. I've never really given it much thought. I enjoy encouraging people, so, I've been happy to help.

There comes a time, however, when enough is enough. I'm not the catchall for all problems. I do not have a sign indicating that I am open for business 24/7 to hear about what some might consider mistreatment. I'm also not the person to vent to (just because).

I realize that we all have challenges to face. We, at times, must deal with unpleasant circumstances. Our approach to these situations could make all the difference in the world. Why would you want to call me to complain about being hung up on because you yelled at or cussed someone out? If you are disrespectful to people, it's only natural that people will treat you as though you are diseased. They will want to stay as far away from you as possible.

I had someone try to complain to me about having to continuously repeat what they said when dealing with someone who has Alzheimer's. Seriously? Have you considered writing things down so that there's no need for repetition?

Why complain to me about the payments you now have to make for a purchase that you knew you didn't need and couldn't afford? You knew when you went in to the store that you didn't have the money to spend. Now, your purchase is going to collect dust with all the other unused purchases.

Honestly, sometimes we are our own worst enemy. We allow things to get to us. When we are mad at ourselves for something that we caused, we don't think twice about "sharing" our moodiness. We can even get mad at an individual for being happy all the time. I recall working with someone who would walk into the office whistling every day. She would say hello to everyone and offer them a wish to have a great day. I was dumbfounded, when, one day a colleague of ours complained about the whistling and the cheery disposition and the supervisor asked the "happy" colleague to cease and desist.

So, I'm recommending that individuals take a good look at the situation that they are in. If you are stressed, walk away. Table any discussion until you have your emotions under control. If the situation that you are facing is something that you can control, will have an impact on, or can cause an effect, then that's ok. If, however, you can't control the situation, won't impact the outcome or can't effect the situation, then leave it alone. Don't engage in any conversations about anything that doesn't concern you.

Understand, that I will always make myself available to you in your time of need. I will continue to lend an ear, and offer encouragement. I will NOT, however, be your personal dumping ground. The doors to the complaint department are closed. I will re-open for business when your outlook is receptive  to positive feedback and conducive to personal change.

Until then.....

Living Life With Gratitude

There are many studies that support gratitude's effectiveness. Think about it. You can be healthier, happier, approachable, etc. Isn't life much simpler when you appreciate things? When you are grateful for what you have, it leads to contentment. You tend to have a more positive disposition.

So many of us were raised to focus on the negatives. If something wasn't going the way you wanted or expected, then the natural recourse was to complain. For some, complaining was just part of life. Complaining can keep you in an emotional and negative state of mind, which, ultimately, leads to stress. When you are in 'complaint' mode, it's so easy to justify your negative behavior. As a complainer, it's easy to see what is missing or lacking in your life.  

So, what happens when you realize that it's time to change? Wanting to change will certainly pose some challenges. It will involve learning new ways that will lead to healing. At first, it can be scary. You can hit some road blocks, however, stay on point.

Living life with gratitude takes practice. There are some behaviors and false beliefs that will have to be overcome. You can't obtain gratitude by ignoring past behaviors. The more appreciation that you have in your life affords you many opportunities and blessings.

Each day presents us with instances to be grateful. Whether you're at work, home, school, etc., practice gratitude. Share your gratitude with others. Pass it on. Tell others what you appreciate about them.

Slowly but surely, you will begin to notice how living with gratitude impacts your life. Gratitude provides you with hope and contentment. That's the end result we all want.

2014: A Year of Gratitude

Wow, 2014 is here. In the previous years, just like so many others, I would write down my list of resolutions that I wanted to accomplish. Well, no more. I no longer kid myself into believing that a few items written on a piece of paper will instill in me a desire of accomplishments. So, I no longer make New Year resolutions. I learned a long time ago that although it was fun having a list of what I hoped for, the results were always the same. The list went by the wayside because I never really took my list seriously.

I like the idea of starting out the year with a focus in mind. So, the question becomes how do I want to approach 2014? I want to piggyback off of 2013. Instead of New Year resolutions, I opted for a "word" that would describe what I expected out of 2013. The word I chose was "redeem". Webster's Dictionary defines redeem in many ways. Redeem means to free from what distresses or harms us; to extricate from or help to overcome something; to release from blame or debt; to change for the better; to make good; to atone for; to rescue.

I recall many situations whereby I "redeemed" myself by forgiving myself and others. I let go of guilt and anger. I stopped being mad at myself. I redeemed myself by making positive changes in my life.

2013 was a year of redemption. As a result, the year provided me with numerous instances of being grateful. Grateful for the changes in my heart, my approach to situations and people. My desire is to continue on this path.

So, as it is now 2014, it is time for me to pick a new word. Choosing this years word took some deliberation. I wanted a word that would continue me on the path of being grateful. The word I chose  for 2014 is "represent". Webster's Dictionary defines "represent" as speaking or acting for someone; to portray; to serve as a sign or symbol; to describe as having a specified character or quality.

Living a life filled with gratitude is a good way to "represent" one's self. People will see how happy and content you are. Throughout the year I want to "represent" the positives. Instead of complaining about what I feel I may be lacking in life, I will be grateful for what I do have.

Some of the steps that you can take to portray gratitude is being responsible for your actions. You can let go of anything that gets in the way of what you want to accomplish. Learn from your mistakes. Celebrate and acknowledge what you have. These are just a few steps that will assist you with "representing" your character. It will also keep you in the state of being grateful; of moving in the right direction.

2014 provides you with a clean slate. Allow me to provide the following scriptures to provide support.

"I can do all things in Christ who strengthens me" Phillipians 4:13, provides you with the mindset that it's okay to try different things.

Jeremiah 29:11KJV states "For I know the thoughts that I think towards you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope".

What are you willing to do to live a life of gratitude?