Fear and the CIA

Each of us has dealt with fear in our lives. Whether it's fear of change, phobias, a reluctance to do something, fear can be downright scary. The paralyzing effect that fear emits can, by itself, be threatening.

Fear can cause our hearts to beat faster. Fear will make us cry, it will make us sweat, and it will stop us in our tracks. Fear can also make us curious. What is it about fear that, just by merely thinking about it, can cause havoc?

Fear, by definition, is anxious concern; an unpleasant, often strong emotion caused by anticipation or awareness of danger. Fear is a lack of courage; a reluctance to do something, an aversion.

When fear enters our lives it can shut us down making us a prisoner of our circumstance. Too many times we hear of people having panic attacks, of not being able to move. I can't imagine feeling so powerless that I can't get my body to react during a time of perceived danger.

Fear will prevent us from making decisions, whether hard or simple. Not being comfortable with the outcome, being uncertain, not trusting your gut feelings causes you to remain dormant or stuck where you are. Doubt can rear its ugly head and cause you to question your decisions. Should I accept the promotion, buy the car, marry or divorce, etc.? How many great opportunities have been sacrificed because you were afraid to take a risk?

We've all made decisions only to second-guess ourselves. We allow doubt to manifest itself. Once fear enters into the decision it can fester. This festering provides challenges that prevent us from moving forward.

One of the ways to combat fear is by taking action. Taking action requires courage, hence what I call, CIA, Courage In Action. In order to rid oneself of fear, one must have the courage to acknowledge that change is necessary. Having the desire to change things that are in your control is a good motivator. Focusing on the positive results you obtain will go a log way towards reducing your fears. Taking action steps provides you with the strength to make and support the removal of your self-imposed roadblocks.

In order to take action, you have to map it out. When doubt tries to penetrate your mind, having a plan you can refer back to will reveal the progress you have made. Taking courage in action enables you to "flip" the negatives into "positives".

So, instead of being tormented by fear, decide that you are going to fight being fearful. When fear steps into the ring with you and tries to sucker-punch you into believing that you can't, that change is not good, that you are better off remaining as is, get ready to come out swinging. Don't allow fear to keep you imprisoned. Take a stance. Deliver a knockout punch against the bully you call fear. You will be the one left standing!!  

Who AM I?

Have you ever considered who you are? How do or how have your dreams impacted who you have become? I keep thinking about how difficult it was to recall MY childhood dreams. I recall dreams of being an actress, nun, or getting married and having 12 kids (which thankfully did not come to fruition).  However, I realized that as early as elementary school, the dreams I had, were centered around what I was told was expected of me once I turned 18. That learned behavior taught me to deny my thoughts and dreams to the point of sabotaging my own dreams.

I went to Catholic school for 12-years. Throughout the 12 years, two things were dominant. Joke telling and detention seemed to go hand-in-hand. I remember beginning my "career" of being on detention as far back as 3rd grade and maintaining this career until I graduated from the 12th grade. No matter how much detention I had, I maintained my grades and was never held back from moving to the next grade. I never understood why the nuns took offense to my talent for telling jokes.

I recall during my pre-teen years of still being the class clown, of taking the shy and/or new students under my wings, befriending them, and offering encouragement while they developed their own level of being comfortable. I would later learn that I actually had a gift for nurturing; being a motivator and an encourager. I also knew that I hated rules and hated being told what I couldn't do. As I got older, I saw how some rules had actually limited my growth. In my teens, I was still the class clown, the defender/advocate of the underdog. High school brought about thoughts of breaking free from strict family guidelines. 

I found myself being intrigued with how the mind worked. A career as an FBI profiler remained in the forefront of my mind. I was also interested with debating issues and showing how there was more than one way to look @ things. I didn't like it when anyone tried to push their viewpoints on me. Fellow students often brought their ideas, concerns and issues to me and I enjoyed going through the decision-making process with them. Of course, there were also times that I enjoyed just telling them what they needed to do. (This "bossy" phase would last quite a while).

Then, a strange thing happened in high school. I began to notice that I would "know" things would happen even before they happened. For example, I can recall during the last day of school for the 11th grade, my teacher (one of the nuns) trying to calm the class down from all the excitement. Sister said she had news to tell us. I raised my voice above all the classroom chatter and asked everyone to quiet down because Sister was going to tell us that she was leaving the convent to get married. I watched as the color drained from Sister's face and knew it was because of my smart-aleck comment. I was embarrassed by what I said and was even more embarrassed when Sister said, "How did you know?". What??? Sister acknowledged that that was indeed what she wanted to tell the class. She also wanted to know who told me. I had no idea where that thought came from. I had no explanation for what or why I had blurted out that comment. I would, however, have more opportunities of "predicting" things. I would be chastised and/or questioned about my predictions/revelations. I was ridiculed for my "lucky" guesses. In corporate America, the one word that was always consistent on my appraisals was the word "visionary"; of having the ability of "foresight". In church environments, it was @ times referred to as "prophetic". It was something that was misunderstood by me and I found myself being afraid and no longer wanting to share anything I considered "futuristic". 

Eventually I learned that my childhood dreams and experiences served a purpose. It laid the foundation of who I was to become: a trusted individual, a good listener, an encourager; of being able to break through limiting beliefs and behaviors. I enjoy being silly and telling jokes. God gifted e with a caring heart. 

My "self" is not about how others see me or judge me. God developed and wrote my "story". He has shown me who I am. He continues to show me how my story, how I handled difficult and challenging situations would resonate with people. 

All in all, I've learned to no longer focus on the negative. Instead, my focus should be on the positive that God provides. I've learned how to be a "flipper". When doubt or negative thoughts enter my mind, I now "flip it" by turning it into a positive. God's grace and mercy has brought me out of many trials and tribulations. He has revealed HIS heart to me. He continues to show me that my willingness to listen to His plan for all things (including the visions) will keep me on the path He has chosen for me.

Do you know who you are?

Best Friends Forever (Not)

I've had the same best friend forever. I remember first meeting her in elementary school. There was something about her that drew me to her instantly. We just clicked. She became a part of me.

Thinking and acting alike we shared many different experiences. Together, we celebrated numerous milestones, whether it was my birthday, first date, graduation, etc. No matter what was happening in my life, she was always there. We were inseparable.

I don't recall exactly when we became best friends. I do know that as the years progressed, I began to depend on her more and more. She knew me so well. She knew exactly what to say. Her words meant so much to me. I trusted that everything she revealed and said to me was for my betterment. It got to the point that I didn't make any decisions without her input.

But now... Something has changed. As we drive to work together, something feels different. I'm not happy to see her. In fact, I've been dreading that I will have to spend time with her. Lately I've become detached. It's as though I've outgrown her. I no longer have patience with her. My ears immediately tune out her voice.

My friend stares at me. I know that she senses that I have begun pulling away from her. She tries to hold on tighter to me by reminding me of the times we spent together. She reminds me of all we've been through. Se reminds me of what she has taught me.

A dose of reality, like having ice-cold water dumped on me, has stopped me dead in my tracks. This toxic relationship has resulted in so much negativity. I have to get off this road of destruction.

So, without any regret, it is time to say goodbye to my friend, Discouragement. Discouragement can no longer feed me. I have begun the detox. The truth and a change in my belief system have begun to make me whole. I have a new best friend, Encourager. We are a better fit and I am looking forward to a positive and thriving life.

Surviving The Deceitful Lies We Tell Ourselves

Throughout our lives, we have all heard things or been told things about ourselves that we may find hurtful. On top of these, are the lies that we tell our selves. "In order for me to be successful, I have to look and act a certain way; I'm insignificant; I'm not loved; I'm not good enough", etc.

These lies could have been perpetrated by a loved one or by the comparisons we make of our selves against others. We inflict pain on ourselves as we allow the lies to fester. We doubt our abilities which, in turn, impacts our confidence. We build walls to protect ourselves from becoming vulnerable. As an example, if as a child, you grew up in a family that didn't have enough money or food to eat, one of the lies that you may have told yourself is that you had to hoard up on food to protect yourself from starvation. This lie could manifest itself into a need to amass material things. Your lie may have begun with fearing a lack of food, however, it could also lead you down an entirely different path.

As we internalize these lies, we set ourselves up to be a victim or play the role of a martyr. When we are in the "martyr" role, it's easy to lay blame. Laying blame allows us to justify our position of being angry with other individuals, having an attitude against others or holding on to a grudge. Do you really want to have that much unhappiness in your life?

No matter where the lie originates from, it can cause hurt, anger and/or disgust. Why do we allow these non-truths to handicap us, to slow us down or to even stop us from believing that we can break the cycle of lies? Stop living in the past. Stop replaying the non-truths in your mind. Acknowledge the changes you've made toward having a positive life.

We are accountable for what we believe. We owe it to ourself to ensure that the digestion of our beliefs provides us with a clear picture of who we are. We can accomplish this by no longer accepting the lies. We no longer have to make the lies a subject of conversation. Let go of the lies. Holding on to the lies will only cause bitterness and frustration. Free yourself by examining what is in your heart. Conduct a self-analysis. Be honest. What is standing in the way of you breaking down the walls of lies you tell yourself?

Finally, your emotions will play into your lies. Fear, anxiety, anger, stubbornness are a few examples. Successfully identifying the emotion that you are dealing with, defusing or managing the emotion will contribute towards you facing truths about yourself. These truths will be the key to unlocking the lies. Claim your truths!! That's the only way to survive the deceitful lies we tell ourselves.

I Am NOT The Complaint Department

Throughout my life I've had people confide in me. I've been told I'm easy to talk to and that I am a good listener. I've never really given it much thought. I enjoy encouraging people, so, I've been happy to help.

There comes a time, however, when enough is enough. I'm not the catchall for all problems. I do not have a sign indicating that I am open for business 24/7 to hear about what some might consider mistreatment. I'm also not the person to vent to (just because).

I realize that we all have challenges to face. We, at times, must deal with unpleasant circumstances. Our approach to these situations could make all the difference in the world. Why would you want to call me to complain about being hung up on because you yelled at or cussed someone out? If you are disrespectful to people, it's only natural that people will treat you as though you are diseased. They will want to stay as far away from you as possible.

I had someone try to complain to me about having to continuously repeat what they said when dealing with someone who has Alzheimer's. Seriously? Have you considered writing things down so that there's no need for repetition?

Why complain to me about the payments you now have to make for a purchase that you knew you didn't need and couldn't afford? You knew when you went in to the store that you didn't have the money to spend. Now, your purchase is going to collect dust with all the other unused purchases.

Honestly, sometimes we are our own worst enemy. We allow things to get to us. When we are mad at ourselves for something that we caused, we don't think twice about "sharing" our moodiness. We can even get mad at an individual for being happy all the time. I recall working with someone who would walk into the office whistling every day. She would say hello to everyone and offer them a wish to have a great day. I was dumbfounded, when, one day a colleague of ours complained about the whistling and the cheery disposition and the supervisor asked the "happy" colleague to cease and desist.

So, I'm recommending that individuals take a good look at the situation that they are in. If you are stressed, walk away. Table any discussion until you have your emotions under control. If the situation that you are facing is something that you can control, will have an impact on, or can cause an effect, then that's ok. If, however, you can't control the situation, won't impact the outcome or can't effect the situation, then leave it alone. Don't engage in any conversations about anything that doesn't concern you.

Understand, that I will always make myself available to you in your time of need. I will continue to lend an ear, and offer encouragement. I will NOT, however, be your personal dumping ground. The doors to the complaint department are closed. I will re-open for business when your outlook is receptive  to positive feedback and conducive to personal change.

Until then.....

Living Life With Gratitude

There are many studies that support gratitude's effectiveness. Think about it. You can be healthier, happier, approachable, etc. Isn't life much simpler when you appreciate things? When you are grateful for what you have, it leads to contentment. You tend to have a more positive disposition.

So many of us were raised to focus on the negatives. If something wasn't going the way you wanted or expected, then the natural recourse was to complain. For some, complaining was just part of life. Complaining can keep you in an emotional and negative state of mind, which, ultimately, leads to stress. When you are in 'complaint' mode, it's so easy to justify your negative behavior. As a complainer, it's easy to see what is missing or lacking in your life.  

So, what happens when you realize that it's time to change? Wanting to change will certainly pose some challenges. It will involve learning new ways that will lead to healing. At first, it can be scary. You can hit some road blocks, however, stay on point.

Living life with gratitude takes practice. There are some behaviors and false beliefs that will have to be overcome. You can't obtain gratitude by ignoring past behaviors. The more appreciation that you have in your life affords you many opportunities and blessings.

Each day presents us with instances to be grateful. Whether you're at work, home, school, etc., practice gratitude. Share your gratitude with others. Pass it on. Tell others what you appreciate about them.

Slowly but surely, you will begin to notice how living with gratitude impacts your life. Gratitude provides you with hope and contentment. That's the end result we all want.

2014: A Year of Gratitude

Wow, 2014 is here. In the previous years, just like so many others, I would write down my list of resolutions that I wanted to accomplish. Well, no more. I no longer kid myself into believing that a few items written on a piece of paper will instill in me a desire of accomplishments. So, I no longer make New Year resolutions. I learned a long time ago that although it was fun having a list of what I hoped for, the results were always the same. The list went by the wayside because I never really took my list seriously.

I like the idea of starting out the year with a focus in mind. So, the question becomes how do I want to approach 2014? I want to piggyback off of 2013. Instead of New Year resolutions, I opted for a "word" that would describe what I expected out of 2013. The word I chose was "redeem". Webster's Dictionary defines redeem in many ways. Redeem means to free from what distresses or harms us; to extricate from or help to overcome something; to release from blame or debt; to change for the better; to make good; to atone for; to rescue.

I recall many situations whereby I "redeemed" myself by forgiving myself and others. I let go of guilt and anger. I stopped being mad at myself. I redeemed myself by making positive changes in my life.

2013 was a year of redemption. As a result, the year provided me with numerous instances of being grateful. Grateful for the changes in my heart, my approach to situations and people. My desire is to continue on this path.

So, as it is now 2014, it is time for me to pick a new word. Choosing this years word took some deliberation. I wanted a word that would continue me on the path of being grateful. The word I chose  for 2014 is "represent". Webster's Dictionary defines "represent" as speaking or acting for someone; to portray; to serve as a sign or symbol; to describe as having a specified character or quality.

Living a life filled with gratitude is a good way to "represent" one's self. People will see how happy and content you are. Throughout the year I want to "represent" the positives. Instead of complaining about what I feel I may be lacking in life, I will be grateful for what I do have.

Some of the steps that you can take to portray gratitude is being responsible for your actions. You can let go of anything that gets in the way of what you want to accomplish. Learn from your mistakes. Celebrate and acknowledge what you have. These are just a few steps that will assist you with "representing" your character. It will also keep you in the state of being grateful; of moving in the right direction.

2014 provides you with a clean slate. Allow me to provide the following scriptures to provide support.

"I can do all things in Christ who strengthens me" Phillipians 4:13, provides you with the mindset that it's okay to try different things.

Jeremiah 29:11KJV states "For I know the thoughts that I think towards you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope".

What are you willing to do to live a life of gratitude?

Connecting The Dots

When I was a young child I received a lot of coloring books. Some of those coloring books had partial or incomplete drawings that could be completed by following specific steps. Some of the pages had an outline of a picture that was comprised of dots. In order to complete the drawing you had to "connect the dots".

Unknowingly, coloring pages can teach children different lessons. Children can learn how to complete assignments, homework and or projects; how to follow directions and how to stay on a given path. Children can even learn about the sequence of numbers. These are a few of the lessons learned in a fun environment free from stress.

Another lesson taught was that as long as you stayed on course, you couldn't fail. There was always a sense of happiness when our drawing was completed. We couldn't wait to see what our next drawing would produce.

As we become older, we encounter different life lessons. These lessons begin to shape and develop the canvas of our lives. Our experiences paint a picture that provides the layout of what's ahead. Our map can be littered with different possibilities, shortcuts or even dead-ends. It is up to each of us to determine the course we want to take in life.

Each dot on your map represents a destination, next step or a milestone. Take time to acknowledge the trials and tribulations of the journey. Appreciate where you are, the growth and progress you've made. Prepare yourself for what lies ahead.

Positive and negative experiences will impact your destination. These life lessons could keep you headed in the right direction or take you off course. When dealing with a negative experience determine how you can turn it into a positive experience. Once you identify your path, do you know what steps will be required to get you from the starting point to the end point or your destiny, career or job? How will you connect the dots? How will you erase any roadblocks preventing you from connecting and staying on course? One way is through living a positive life. Focus on the good. As you make mistakes, figure out what you did wrong, acknowledge what you did wrong, correct the mistake and move on. Don't wallow in any negativity.

Always have a plan in mind and a goal to work towards. Use wisdom and discernment to develop a workaround that keeps you focused. Learn how to "connect the dots" and see how your life unfolds. Once you complete your finished product/journey, you will find peace knowing that you are "connected"; that you are living the life that was meant to be.

 

Changing Old Perceptions

My sister and I were discussing personality changes that we've each experienced throughout our lives. During the discussion, my sister commented that as she continues to age, she has gotten very quiet. I laughed at this and responded with how easy she can become irritated and develop an "attitude". Her comment back to me was that her friends think she is very quiet.

That comment provided me with an "aha moment". A few things came to mind related to perceptions. Do we act one way with family and a different way with friends? Are family members "stuck" in how they perceive us? Will they ever forget the old and recognize the new and improved version of you?

I had to question my mindset. Was I judging my sister based on my childhood memories? After all, don't I know her better than her friends?

I began thinking about the changes in my life. I didn't like it when people expected me to act or be a certain way. I wanted to be me. At times I resisted the feedback that was being provided. As I grew older, there were changes I wanted to make in my life. As I grew in wisdom and discernment, how I handled situations, how I reacted to different life lessons that I encountered, transformed me into having a change in my attitude.

As a young rebellious teen, I didn't care what others thought of me, however, I sure had an opinion of how I thought you should be. My perceptions of others were always accurate (at least in my mind). Is that what I was doing with my sister? Do I still have blind spots?

I was comfortable with how I viewed my sister. I hadn't considered that just as I made changes so had she. I had to acknowledge that it is possible that others recognized things about my sister that I hadn't noticed.

Changing my old perceptions will benefit both my sister and I. I don't want to be stuck, nor do I want to be judgmental. I want to celebrate the progress she has made in bettering her life. I thank her for revealing a character flaw that can be corrected.

How about you? Are you stuck in old perceptions? If so, let go of your expectations of how others should be. You'll be glad you did.

A Day Of Thanks

Today in the United States we celebrated Thanksgiving. The day means different things for different people. For some, it's a day of getting together and sharing a meal with family and friends. For others it's a day to acknowledge being thankful for what you have in your life. Others will spend the day volunteering to feed those that are less fortunate. Then, there are those who view this day as just a regular day. They place no more importance on this day than any other day.

What does Thanksgiving mean to you? What are you grateful for?

For me, first and foremost, I am thankful to and for The Lord. I am thankful for the life He has provided me. I am thankful for His guidance and His love. I am thankful for the choices and many opportunities He sends my way. I am thankful for my faith; my beliefs.

It wasn't always that way. There was a time in my life that my being thankful had a different meaning. I was more grateful for material things. I had a sense of entitlement. Having the nicest clothes, a fancy car, and a huge house meant more to me. I wanted others to want my life. This resulted in my carrying a high rate of debt. I was in fear of people finding out that my life was a lie. I found that there was more to life than just having "stuff". I could have nice clothes, drive a nice car and have a nice house without living in debt. I began to change my ways, In doing so, my happiness and thankfulness in material things began to dwindle.

I am thankful for a healthy life. I am thankful for the freedom my country affords me. I am able to make choices, get a good education and live a good life. I give thanks that I can encourage people to pursue their dreams. I can lend an ear.

There are times when we have an opportunity to do things for others. We can literally make someone's day and put smiles on their faces. If you see someone who is sad, homeless, having a bad day at work, do you do something about it or do you ignore the situation? If you choose to help do you question the motives behind your act of kindness? Are you seeking an ego boost? Are you offering to help only to get something in return? Or do you do random acts of kindness and charity anonymously? Doing something just to secure some type of reward is the wrong approach to living a life of thankfulness.

We each have different reasons for being thankful. We have different approaches. Being thankful is an awesome way to live. Be thankful for the air you breathe; for the ability to see, hear, taste, see and feel. Be thankful that you can be all that you want to be.

If you believe in the power of prayer, thank God for answering your prayers. Be grateful for your provisions. Celebrate the goodness in your life daily. Life is too short to only show gratitude and thankfulness one day out of the year.

Lessons From A Dog's Life

I have a rescue dog that is part terrier. She loves to run and play with certain types of dogs. She's very protective and will defend me if she thinks I'm in danger.

My dog is loyal. When I think of her, it reminds me of how we have a similar lifestyle. I enjoy life. I enjoy the freedom of making choices, being with friends and family. I am protective of my family especially if I feel that they are in harms way.

Dogs lead such simple lives. They are always happy to see us. They are patient and are willing to wait for whatever time we have to devote to them. When they have our attention, you can see their eagerness to please, to have fun and to explore whatever we choose to share with them. Unless they don't feel well, it's rare that dogs are sad. Dogs, for the most part, have good, positive, dispositions.

We can learn a few things from observing a dog's life. When a dog's ears go "up" they are sensing that something has changed. When trouble is looming, they may begin with a low growl that can grow and become loud incessant barking. This will alert us that something needs our attention. In our day-to-day lives, we sometimes get premonitions when something is "off". Our intuition attempts to gain our attention by sending thoughts of doubt. It's up to us whether we choose to heed these warnings or deal with the consequences.

At a young age, dogs develop personality traits that define their nature. They learn behaviors from their owners. Will they be playful, lazy, mean, good-natured, etc? We've heard that dogs take on the personality of their owners. Certain types of dogs are natural born leaders. Some dogs are "bullies", always needing to show who's the boss. Do you tend to be a leader, playful and helpful? Or do you prefer bullying tactics?

Dogs are independent. They adapt remarkably well to change. Dogs also understand dependency. They will patiently wait for our guidance while going through changes. What is our approach to change? Do we resist/question change or do we go with the flow?

I am grateful for my dog. She loves me unconditionally. She has taught me to not take life so seriously. When I am stressed and my dog is near, I take a few moments to play with her. Playing with her is one of the best tension tamers in my life.

Yes, dogs lead a simple life. Observing a dog's life can teach us a lot about how we live and choices we make. It's up to each of us to ensure that we are living life to the fullest while taking time to relax and have fun. That's the only way to have a rewarding life.

Just One More Chance

I'm a risk taker. Always have been. Although I enjoy taking risks, there are times that I shy away from taking chances. There are times when I just want to make a "safe" decision without worrying whether there will be any repercussions.

We've all experienced opportunities in which we question the decisions we are about to make or have already made. The dilemma we face is in having faith that we've chosen wisely.  Each circumstance we face can lead us in many directions. How do you determine the best option?

Taking that next step, not knowing whether our expectations will be met can be very daunting. If we over think the outcome, the stress builds up and we end up allowing doubt to plague us. There is also fear of the unknown. What happens if we make a choice and it's the wrong choice? Is there an easy fix or are we stuck with the decision we made?

Imagine that you have been presented with two great job opportunities. One job is local, the other job requires moving away from family and friends. You can envision being happy with either career move and you decide to go with whichever opportunity comes available first. Then you begin listening to the opinions of others and you begin to question whether you really weighed all of your options. What then? Do you begin to build yourself up to fear the outcome of your choice? Do you, after making the decision wonder what the outcome would be if you choose a different path? That's a normal reaction.  

Then there are times when we've made decisions that we have regretted. We wish for just one more chance to correct what may be viewed as a poor or wrong choice or decision. Maybe it was a decision to purchase a different car, going to a different college or taking a chance on a new relationship. Maybe it was learning something new, making changes or trying something different. After you made your decision, there was a feeling of regret, of wondering what could have been.

Sometimes, you just want to change your mind. You made your decision based on the criteria you previously had on hand. Then new information becomes available and you want one more chance to regroup and make sure that your original decision is still the best option.

The desire to have just one more chance is a normal reaction. It provides us with checks and balances to understand why we made the decisions we made and to make any necessary updates or corrections. Don't be afraid of taking risks, of taking one more chance. Remember, if you take a risk you win and this leads towards happiness. Poor choices may initially be perceived as a loss. You will find, however, that you learn by your mistakes. You begin to make better choices, choices that make you wiser. That's what having just one more chance is all about.

An Addictive Life

Many of us desire different things. At times, these desires turn into cravings. When the cravings become the driving force of our life, then it becomes an addiction.

Addiction is defined as a compulsive need for and use of a habit-forming substance (as nicotine or alcohol) characterized by tolerance & by well-defined physiological symptoms upon withdrawal. Addiction covers a broad spectrum that can include anything from food, relationships, health, money, etc.

How does an addiction begin? One example is that of being under stress. Having stress in our life wreaks havoc on our emotions. When we are dealing with situations that are overwhelming, where we don't see a way out, it's easy to turn to food and or alcohol. For some individuals, food and alcohol serve as a means of a temporary relief from having to cope with unbearable circumstances. It's a means of escaping negativity.

As we continue along the path of wanting to escape from our sorrows, our cravings become rituals.  These rituals become habit forming. We rely on the pleasure substance to meet our needs. We then entertain feelings of guilt for attempting to solve our problems via this cycle of addiction.

Addictions can stem from childhood memories, from a sport injury or a car accident. There are also addictions that stem from relationships. Have you ever met or been involved with someone whose addiction was belittling or bullying? Their craving or desire is to cause harm through words. They enjoy trying to make others feel unworthy. These individuals have low self-esteem. Their addiction is to discourage others; to convince them that they have no value. Don't believe their garbage. Throw it out. Learn to trust your insight and what you offer.

Don't allow someone else's addiction to cause you pain. You can offer to lend support to someone who wants to go through recovery. Be encouraging as they go through their trials and tribulations. Don't, however, live in denial with the addict. This is something that parents tend to do. It's hard to see your child suffer. The more you enable someone dealing with addictions the more the situation will remain as is.

If you happen to be the caretaker of an addict (no matter what the addiction) don't forget to take care of yourself. Understand that you can't solve the situation for them. Develop a thick skin and let their tirades roll off of you. Above all, have faith that eventually, the addict will move from living an addictive life into a better life. Now, that's something to look forward to!

Oops, Did I Do That? (Results of Bad Decisions)

Have you ever purchased items that you couldn't afford (i.e. appliances, clothing, a car or a home, etc,)? Are your credit cards maxed out to the point where payments are a challenge? Do you continue to live your life in a way that keeps you in lack?

At times we all realize that some of the choices we make are not sound. Our decisions can be unwise and the result of being reactionary. The results of our choices leave us wondering, "oops, did I do that"? We may not have thought things through prior to making our decisions.

What steps go into our thought process prior to making choices? Are we in an emotional state, a state of desperation? We purchase things just to have the latest in technology or to have the nicest car. We don't stop to consider whether we can afford the purchase or whether our bank account(s) can support our decision financially. When we are feeling a sense of entitlement, nothing will stop us. Living out of our means doesn't register in our mind. We focus more on and are motivated by the perception of others as to how successful we are.

We often do not realize that the decisions we make can have an impact on our family, friends and even our job. When we are stressed, we tend to blame others, find fault with others including our spouse, children, peers and bosses.

Living in debt wreaks havoc on our emotions, promotes fear (how will we survive?), causes stress and can sometimes lead to making additional poor choices. For example, living from paycheck to paycheck does not allow for opportunities to engage in fun activities such as sports or going to a nice restaurant.

In realizing how poor choices and bad decisions impact your life, there comes a time when you must decide to turn things around. How do you change your spending attitude and or correct any false beliefs you may have related to spending?

It may be helpful to ask the following questions prior to making a purchasing decision:
* Is this something I really need?
* Where will "it" go?
* What is "it" replacing?
* Can I afford "it"?

The answer to these questions will lead you away from an "oops, did I do that?" mentality of living with bad decisions and guide you to making better decisions. The more good decisions you make places you on a path of knowing that your choices are sound and well thought out. You're not making an emotional decision, nor is your decision fear-based.

Making better decisions can be liberating. Isn't that a better way to live?

Oh, Give Me A Break

My goodness. What is up with people who are always complaining that they can't get a break? Life is too hard. They are always a day late and a dollar short. No one likes them. Blah, blah, blah. Seriously??

Life is too short. Every day we are presented with opportunities to better ourselves, to make changes. We can't rely on others to determine how our life will turn out. Sure, people can provide input, offer suggestions and lend an ear, however, ultimately the choice is ours.

Do you find yourself making comparisons to others, feeling a sense of lack when you don't measure up? The path others have chosen may not be a match for you. You can't tailor your life based on the lives of others. There are too many variables that may be unknown to you. Following the stepping-stones of someone else's life could lead you down the wrong path.

Your path is strewn with many bumps in the roads. What lessons have you learned from past mistakes? What lies are taking up space in your mind and heart that aren't true about your self? Release your self from any limitations that are keeping you imprisoned. You've served your time going through the hardships associated with the trials and tribulations. Acknowledging the good in you will set yourself free of the self-imposed bondage.

Maybe it's time to give yourself a pep talk and acknowledge your strengths. Focus on the positive things in your life. When you focus on what is good and right, you bring new life into your "game". You gain a new perspective; you strengthen your character and you operate on "full steam".

Stop expecting others to give you a break. Let go of your ego. Take control of your life. Utilize your inner power source. Continue to "plug in". Focus on where you want to go and plan how you will get there. Then, sit back and enjoy the journey!

Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire

Liar, liar, pants on fire is a nursery rhyme taught to children. Every time, a child is caught lying, they face being taunted by playmates singing this little song. Kids have vivid imaginations. They don't necessarily think that they are lying when they stretch the truth.

Do you recall the story of Pinocchio? Every time he told a lie his nose would grow. There are some children who were taught to believe in that fairy tale. Fortunately, they grew out of that false belief.

Have you ever considered why a lie is told or what the outcome is of telling a lie? Typically, people lie to impress others, "white" lies are told by withholding a portion of the truth out of concern that the entire truth could be harmful, people lie to evade issues, and at times, malicious lies are told by "mean-spirited" and oftentimes jealous individuals. There are many more examples of why lies are told.

Lets take a look at some of the outcomes of lying. Lying can cause ruin to one's reputation or character (if the lie is believed). Lying can delay an outcome, however, eventually, the situation will have to be dealt with. A "white lie" is formed out of good intentions, however, when discovered, still causes doubt as to why the need for the lie. "Mean-spirited" individuals sparked by jealousy often spread vicious lies. The ultimate goal is to disparage an individual. Eventually, the "mean-spirited" individual is found out and held to task for their role in the lie.

Other types of lies to consider are the lies we tell ourselves. Lies such as you'll never be successful, you're no good; you're overweight, you're not a good parent, etc. These lies are the most challenging, in that we convince ourselves that the lies are true. We deceive ourselves by holding on to these non-truths. We shame ourselves with the mindset that these negative thoughts originating from both our childhood and adulthood are a permanent fixture. Akin to planting a tree, we water the seeds and watch as the lies grow. Just as the branches of a tree are intertwined, so are the lies embedded in our heart and mind.

The reality is that we don't have to support the lies. We don't have to suffer by living with a victim's mentality. We can change our circumstances. Circumstance is defined as a condition that accompanies or modifies a fact or event, a modifying or influencing factor. It is our choice to either believe the lie and remain stuck or recognize the truth and make some changes.

So, ask yourself, what truths are you willing to acknowledge and focus on? Are you willing to free yourself of the lies or will you continue to play "liar, liar, pants on fire" in your mind? The choice is yours.

Feeling Angry?

Do you ever wonder what makes you angry?

Anger is described as an intense emotional state induced by displeasure. We have all caused anger and have been at the receiving end of anger. Neither situation is good. When we cause the anger we lay hurt at another persons feet. When we receive anger, it causes a mixture of emotions within us.

We have all faced circumstances that have caused us to react with anger. What is it about certain situations that cause us to adopt a different "personality"? Let me share a few personal examples:

I can recall instances coming home from work yelling at my spouse, kids and even the dog. Every thing they did upset me. I couldn't get a break. There was a consistent barrage of requests. Why couldn't they fend for themselves? I could never turn off the 'open for business" sign of being a wife/mother. What I learned was that the feelings of anger were a result of my being tired. I was able to arrange a 5-minute "me time" as soon as I got home that provided me with a 5-monute respite. The respite worked wonders to alleviate anger caused by stress.

A member of my family is forever angry. The least little thing upsets him. He swears and yells at anyone who does not perform to his demands. It got to the point where I avoided visiting other family members if I knew he would be there. I finally decided I had had enough. I told him that I was setting boundaries. If he wanted a relationship with me, he would have to cease yelling and swearing. He would have to be respectful. I stood my ground and he eventually changed the way he spoke to me.

When I worked in corporate America, I would snap at people who questioned my style of management; how or why I handled things the way I did. I interpreted their questions as "being challenged". I would get upset. I had a need to self-protect. I didn't want anyone to know that I was insecure and afraid of being wrong. I decided to change my approach. Instead of feeling "challenged", I began to ask for their input. This led to the realization that I did not have all the answers, which in turn, enabled me to let go of my insecurities.

These are just a few examples of how to deflect being angry. Think of ways you can turn your anger into learning opportunities. When you are in line at the grocery store and the line is slow, grab a magazine to take your mind off of being impatient. If you are rude to people, if you are a proponent of "road rage", it's time to take a look at why you are experiencing these feelings of anger. What has led up to the situation and what can you do to dissolve the explosive reactions?

We all struggle with ways of handling what life throws our way. Being angry signifies that something in your life needs to be addressed. If you choose to hide from anger and not do anything to correct it, then the anger will eventually control your life. If, however, you come to understand that anger is formed by fear, then you can develop the appropriate tools to diffuse the anger. Remember, anger isn't always a negative. Anger presents you with opportunities to learn different ways of handling situations.

Isn't it time you noticed when these feelings of anger are approaching? Take control of your life. Choose to be happy and stress free when facing challenging times. You'll be glad you did.

What's Love Got To Do With It?

Love. What a special feeling. Love provides a feeling of comfort. When you know that you are loved, you feel on top of the world. You feel invincible.

There are many types of love. There is love for family, friends, spouse, etc. We begin to experience love at an early age. We grow up appreciating the different types of love. For example, the love you have for family may be different than the love you have for a friend. We begin to understand that those we love and those that love us matter.

When we love we develop a blind faith and trust of those we hold dear to us. We are protective of those we love and we don't want to see our loved ones hurt.

Sometimes, during our "protective" mode, we may feel that our loved one is not making the best decisions in their life. When this happens, we begin to scrutinize and nit-pick their choices. We know what's best; we know what they need.

At times, we may feel the need to remind them of their past failures or mistakes. We forget that we made mistakes. We forget how we felt when someone offered us unsolicited advice or tried to resolve issues for us. We forget the feelings of helplessness. We forget that mistakes and failures teach us the lessons we require to grow. It's through trials and tribulations where we learn to recognize our errors and become secure in trying different options.

It's important that we show our loved ones that they matter to us. Why? What does love have to do with it? Love is the big differentiator. Knowing that no matter how you live your life, no matter what bad choices or decisions you make, you are loved unconditionally. Loving someone means not being judgmental. Loving someone means not having your way.

When we are loved we have a built in "safety net". When we fall, our loved ones are there to catch us by lifting us up with words of encouragement.

What's love got to do with it? Everything!! Enfold yourself in the love that is given to you and watch your heart thrive.  

Is Your Brain Being Spammed?

In our every day lives we face being spammed. Spamming can be described as receiving unsolicited email from unknown sources. There are now computer software programs that help to identify and reduce the amount of spam that is received.

Just as spam is received on our computer, our brain receives messages that can be considered as spam.  As far back as our childhood, the spam has been accumulating. When our brain is spammed, we receive and feed off of negative messages or false beliefs. These messages, received from parents, teachers, bosses, etc., can cause us to doubt our abilities, live in fear and at times make rash decisions. Each time we receive and accept spam into our brain, it's as if we tattooed or stained our brain with another covering of insecurity.

So, how do we get rid of the spam in our brain? What options do we have to move beyond past mistakes, disappointments, and pain that has built up inside of our brain? We have to look for ways that will help to restore how we perceive ourselves. Knocking down walls that keep us imprisoned and chained to the false beliefs is one of the first steps to consider. Transforming the negative thoughts into positive, encouraging beliefs can initially be challenging. It involves letting go of the spam and learning to trust in your abilities.

Picture if you will, living in a home with old tile or dilapidated carpeting. You decide it's time for an upgrade. To begin, you have to remove the old tile or carpeting, remove any padding, clean all the debris and dump the trash. Then, you have to lay down new padding and cover the floor with new carpet or lay down new tile.

This is what happens when you decide to remove the toxins and trash the spam in your brain. You clean up how you view your past hurts and you develop a better outlook. Your beliefs are transformed. The changes you make instill confidence.

Our brain needs the right type of "software" or encouragement to keep our brain "fresh". Our brain's "software" will identify and ultimately delete any negative spam as it appears.

Isn't it time you started to make changes to get rid of the spam in your brain? By doing so, you open your mind to new possibilities.

Being a Control Freak

After years of repetition, we develop our own way of thinking and our own style of doing things. Experience shows us through trial and error, what our comfort levels are when faced with doing different tasks or making decisions. What happens then, when you encounter situations that are handled differently than you expect? Do you freak out?

How you were raised can have an impact on how situations are handled. If you were raised being told "it's my way or else", you may have developed a need to control every outcome. You may have been taught that the only "right" way to getting something done is by doing it yourself.

Let's use washing clothes as an example. One can sort clothes into categories such as separating the whites from the colored clothes. You can separate linens from work clothes or maybe separate clothes that "bleed" from delicate items. What would your reaction be to seeing someone throw all clothes into the laundry without any type of separation? Would you become unglued and immediately start telling them all of the things they were doing wrong?

If you sense irritation bubbling up inside of you, you may be dealing with control issues. If your thoughts immediately go into comparison mode (how you do things versus how they do things), that is an indication that you may see doing things differently as being wrong.

If, however, you were raised with the attitude that there is more than one way to achieving the results you want, you will be more receptive to trusting another person's ways or ideas. Like the old saying, "there's more than one way to skin a cat". Someone else may have a better or quicker solution to resolving the situation.

In an effort to not be a control freak, you may want to consider the following:

• Is the issue worth you having your way?
• Will having your way destroy a friendship and if so, is it worth it?
• Do you have a need to take control and do everything yourself?
• Do you feel your way is the only way?
• Do your friends and family comment on your need to control things?
• Are you trying to control things even when you don't have a role in the situation? If it doesn't affect you, why are you involved?

If you answered yes to many of the questions above, you may want to reconsider how you handle different scenarios or situations. Maybe it's time to let go of things that you can't control. Letting go will reduce your stress levels. Let go by getting comfortable with allowing others input into the situation. This will provide encouragement to others. It will show them that you have faith in their abilities.

We all want to ensure that things are handled correctly. Eventually, you will learn when it's okay to give up control. You'll come to appreciate the different people styles, and you'll appreciate the calmer you.