Is Your Brain Being Spammed?

In our every day lives we face being spammed. Spamming can be described as receiving unsolicited email from unknown sources. There are now computer software programs that help to identify and reduce the amount of spam that is received.

Just as spam is received on our computer, our brain receives messages that can be considered as spam.  As far back as our childhood, the spam has been accumulating. When our brain is spammed, we receive and feed off of negative messages or false beliefs. These messages, received from parents, teachers, bosses, etc., can cause us to doubt our abilities, live in fear and at times make rash decisions. Each time we receive and accept spam into our brain, it's as if we tattooed or stained our brain with another covering of insecurity.

So, how do we get rid of the spam in our brain? What options do we have to move beyond past mistakes, disappointments, and pain that has built up inside of our brain? We have to look for ways that will help to restore how we perceive ourselves. Knocking down walls that keep us imprisoned and chained to the false beliefs is one of the first steps to consider. Transforming the negative thoughts into positive, encouraging beliefs can initially be challenging. It involves letting go of the spam and learning to trust in your abilities.

Picture if you will, living in a home with old tile or dilapidated carpeting. You decide it's time for an upgrade. To begin, you have to remove the old tile or carpeting, remove any padding, clean all the debris and dump the trash. Then, you have to lay down new padding and cover the floor with new carpet or lay down new tile.

This is what happens when you decide to remove the toxins and trash the spam in your brain. You clean up how you view your past hurts and you develop a better outlook. Your beliefs are transformed. The changes you make instill confidence.

Our brain needs the right type of "software" or encouragement to keep our brain "fresh". Our brain's "software" will identify and ultimately delete any negative spam as it appears.

Isn't it time you started to make changes to get rid of the spam in your brain? By doing so, you open your mind to new possibilities.

Being a Control Freak

After years of repetition, we develop our own way of thinking and our own style of doing things. Experience shows us through trial and error, what our comfort levels are when faced with doing different tasks or making decisions. What happens then, when you encounter situations that are handled differently than you expect? Do you freak out?

How you were raised can have an impact on how situations are handled. If you were raised being told "it's my way or else", you may have developed a need to control every outcome. You may have been taught that the only "right" way to getting something done is by doing it yourself.

Let's use washing clothes as an example. One can sort clothes into categories such as separating the whites from the colored clothes. You can separate linens from work clothes or maybe separate clothes that "bleed" from delicate items. What would your reaction be to seeing someone throw all clothes into the laundry without any type of separation? Would you become unglued and immediately start telling them all of the things they were doing wrong?

If you sense irritation bubbling up inside of you, you may be dealing with control issues. If your thoughts immediately go into comparison mode (how you do things versus how they do things), that is an indication that you may see doing things differently as being wrong.

If, however, you were raised with the attitude that there is more than one way to achieving the results you want, you will be more receptive to trusting another person's ways or ideas. Like the old saying, "there's more than one way to skin a cat". Someone else may have a better or quicker solution to resolving the situation.

In an effort to not be a control freak, you may want to consider the following:

• Is the issue worth you having your way?
• Will having your way destroy a friendship and if so, is it worth it?
• Do you have a need to take control and do everything yourself?
• Do you feel your way is the only way?
• Do your friends and family comment on your need to control things?
• Are you trying to control things even when you don't have a role in the situation? If it doesn't affect you, why are you involved?

If you answered yes to many of the questions above, you may want to reconsider how you handle different scenarios or situations. Maybe it's time to let go of things that you can't control. Letting go will reduce your stress levels. Let go by getting comfortable with allowing others input into the situation. This will provide encouragement to others. It will show them that you have faith in their abilities.

We all want to ensure that things are handled correctly. Eventually, you will learn when it's okay to give up control. You'll come to appreciate the different people styles, and you'll appreciate the calmer you.  

My Job Is Better Than Your Job

Have you ever compared your job to someone else's and felt that your job was lacking? Or maybe you wonder what it would be like to have a different career?

There are times in our lives where the job we hold no longer measures up. The job has become routine, and we long for newer or better opportunities. Although we toy with the idea of pursuing a new job, the reality of leaving our "safety net" can be rather scary and we're not really ready to rock the boat.

We hear from our friends and family how great their jobs are. We buy in to what they describe as their perfect job or career. We begin to focus on what is not going right with our job.We lay blame for our bitterness at the feet of others. If we weren't in debt, have a mortgage, etc., or we weren't concerned with the reaction of others, maybe we would entertain the idea of a different job or career.

Do you know what you are gifted at? What are your strengths? Knowing what you enjoy doing should be the starting point in determining your career. Don't base your decision on someone else's dreams. Their dreams may not be a match with your dreams. Your focus should be on living a life you enjoy.

If you are considering making a job change, make sure you have reviewed the pros and cons of your current job before you finalize your decision. Can your job become more rewarding with some "tweaking"? Are you limiting your self in any way? Finding new ways to do things can make a difference. You can diffuse internal strife by not making incorrect assessments.

You may determine that you have outgrown your job. Then what? Do you stay because you have a fear of starting over?  Do you allow this fear to overtake your choices? Fear will stifle your growth. Not making room for growth leads to regret. It is crucial to cease the continuous cycle of regretting our decisions and or choices.

Sometimes life presents us with a second chance. Whether it's time for a fresh start or not is something you must decide. No one else can determine the path you should take. It is amazing what can be accomplished by being open to learning new things. You have the ability to turn things around.  

If advice that you are being given is valuable, accept it and make the necessary changes. If you've been in a "don't rock the boat" mentality, thinking that it's easier just to leave things as they are, then, it's time to take charge of your life.

Don't buy in to the baIoney that "my job is better than your job". You will stop making comparisons once you determine the job or career that you are best suited for. Doing what you enjoy is what counts.  

We Are Woman

Women come in all shapes, sizes, nationalities, and backgrounds. We're raised differently. We have different educational backgrounds, different viewpoints, yet we are constantly grouped together for comparison. Society tells us how we should look, eat, dress and what type of career we should have in order to be successful.

There's a lot to being a woman. From T-shirts and sweat pants some of us migrate to skinny jeans. It's all about our choice of comfort clothes. Our comfort clothes could contribute to our having a relaxed demeanor. At times we can be modest, shy, nurturing, loving, complicated or we can "defend our turf" when the need arises. There are many words to describe women; we can't be placed in a one-word fits all category. Can you imagine how boring it would be if all women were the same? I like that we are all different. That means that we can learn much about and from each other.

We're not perfect daughters, siblings or wives so, we shouldn't be expected to act alike. We make mistakes. We have different skills and successes. God created us to be unique in our own way. We share our hurts and our happiness with those in our sisterhood. It's important that we lift each other up. We each have gone through trials and tribulations. We never know when or how the lessons that we learned can benefit others.  We can, however, use these lessons to motivate and encourage someone in our sisterhood.

We each have different ideas of success. Whether we choose to pursue corporate America, own our own business, be a caregiver or a stay at home mom, we can be successful. Do not define your success by comparing your self to someone else. The criteria may be different. What works for one person may not work for you. Being successful should make you happy, not stress you out. Being successful is doing what you enjoy doing and feeling good about what you are doing.

We can all be wonder women. However, in order to do that, we must understand that we are not in this alone. We need assistance from others. We have to know when to ask for help and when to provide help. When we offer guidance, it's not about forcing our thoughts and ideas on another. It's stepping back and helping them to determine what is best for them. Offering them your shoulder as a sounding board instead of making the decision for them will provide them with the encouragement that they can resolve their issues. I'm not suggesting that advice not be offered if requested. I'm suggesting that if they talk through their issues, it ultimately leads them to a decision.

Above all, as women don't belittle or curse other women. Be of good character. You don't have to be perfect to be a wonder woman. Just be you.

The Lies of My Heart

I can remember as a child having different feelings that would visit my heart. Good memories, represented by happiness, showed up quite frequently. I almost always knew when to expect these visits. I enjoyed the time I spent being happy. I would tuck those feelings away deep in my heart.

There would also be visits of sadness, judgments, shame, depression, anger etc. I never knew when to expect visits from these feelings. All I remember is how I felt after these visitors left. These visitors would whisper to me thoughts that took up space in my mind. Those whispers became known to me as lies of my heart.

The lies of my heart would visit whenever I began to doubt myself. As an example, I would hear the whispers of "you'll never get it" and "you can't do anything right". These lies would linger and take up residence. The lies became a permanent fixture. More and more, I believed the lies my visitors told me. The lies became a part of my persona.

I continued feeding off those lies, taking huge bites when I faced challenges and obstacles. I convinced myself that I couldn't handle "it"; that the lies were true. Every time I held on to those beliefs I began an internal battle that eventually became overwhelming.

I knew living this way had to stop. What could I do to cease the unwelcome visits and silence the whispers of negativity? These whispers were stealing my joy by twisting the truth. I no longer wanted to feel anger, sadness, shame, depression, or be judgmental.

I needed a belief system. I needed a power source that I could draw upon during times of stress and doubt. I had to determine how to free myself from the lies of my heart.

For me, this meant turning to my power source, Jesus Christ. I placed my faith and trust in Him. Now, when I hear a lie creeping into my heart telling me that "I am unworthy" or "I can't handle it", I recall the scripture, Phil 4:13, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me". This helps me to believe in myself; to claim victory over the battle of negativity. As visitors approach the doorway to my heart, they now encounter a do not enter sign. The lies are no longer welcome.

What is your power source? How do you turn the negativity around in your heart? Dispose of any lies by reminding yourself of and focusing on your good qualities. You can build your foundation from there. Eventually you will become good at ridding yourself of any lies or false beliefs. You'll be able to quench the thought before it spreads. Ultimately, you become free of the lies of your heart.

Is Your Life Under Construction?

My city is growing and there is a lot of construction going on. No matter which street I drive down I face some type of traffic backlog. Traffic is slow, the roads are congested, detour signs aren't always visible nor large enough for you to read. What a mess.

I often wonder how the construction planning sessions are coordinated. What type of growth and or changes were envisioned?

Throughout our lives we go through growth or re-construction. Some of the challenges we face take us down paths we weren't expecting. There were detours we had to take to prevent us from ending up in a sinkhole. Some of the disruptions were unplanned. Our everyday lives are jeopardized by these disruptions.

Our daily living can get re-routed into new experiences, some of which can be frightful. It's so much easier to coast through life when you know what to expect. However, when life throws you a curve, it knocks you off the well-beaten path. You are forced to take a look at why you may be feeling stuck. Have you made a poor decision or choice that is impeding your progress?  Do you know where you are headed?

There are so many roads that can lead us towards our destinations. We need to be prepared for detours. Detours are not necessarily negative. Oftentimes, detours will provide a shorter or better way of reaching specific points in our life. We just need to learn how to recognize which detours we should take.

While we are under construction, we need to repair any potholes or negativity in our life. Shifting gears or our mindset is one approach to tackling the bumpy roads we encounter. Acknowledging, accepting, and making the necessary changes will keep us on the right path. If we choose to remain on the road that is riddled with roadblocks, dead-ends or 1-way streets, we will remain under construction.

As the construction begins to clear, traffic once again is regulated back to normalcy. Life begins to flow smoothly again. We no longer have the stress of dealing with impatience, irritability, wrong judgments, etc. Re-construction issues are completed as we feed off the positive changes that were incorporated. Continuing to use the correct tools will keep us well maintained.

Be patient as you go through re-construction. As our life's construction job comes to an end, we see revealed to us smoother paths, less congestion and more favorable circumstances. Keep your tank (your mind) full and enjoy what lies ahead.

Weight Issues?

Have you ever been told that you needed to lose weight? Was your reaction "I know"? Maybe the comment caught you off guard because you felt there was nothing wrong with your weight. The subject of weight seems to be on the minds of many people. How does one determine if they are truly overweight? Looking in the mirror is a dead giveaway. So is wearing tight fitting clothes that up until recently were loose on you. But what happens when you exercise, feel good about yourself and are still told you need to drop a few pounds? What then?

There are reports that provide an "average" weight range based on height and age, however, are these reports valid? Doctors disagree on the average weight ranges and the correct application. If you have a 5' 3"; 5' 10" and a 4' 11" woman all in good health and all weighing 150 lbs, doctors may disagree on whether weight and/or diet is an issue.

Doctors throw the word "diet" around without really delving into the causes or what can be expected if weight issues aren't addressed. Shouldn't the main goal be that you are healthy?

I know of individuals who have made dieting their "idol". They go from one weight loss program to another. They try every fad diet, tea, milkshake, etc. They're obsessed with dieting. As a result, they ride a continual seesaw of weight gain/weight loss. Some of these individuals really don't even need to lose weight. Their fear of becoming overweight has such a tight grip on them that it can lead to health issues or obsessions.

So what happens if you do in fact have to lose weight? One of the first steps might be to acknowledge that there is an issue. The next step would be to decide what changes you are willing to make relating to food. These changes should be gradual. Get your doctors approval to make these changes (especially if there are any health issues).

Be honest with yourself. Are you willing to make a serious commitment? If so, your commitment should include reasons why you want to lose weight, a short and long term goal for weight loss, exercise and a timeline. There should also be an action plan. Including a support team (friend, family, etc.) will help keep you on track and accountable.

Keep a food journal. This is vey helpful in identifying specific times during the day when you may be the most hungry. Also, keeping a food journal helps identity unhealthy eating habits (or binges) such as emotional eating or eating while under stress. Understanding what type of eater you are begins the process of correcting any negative eating behaviors.

Do NOT look at this journey as being on a diet. Although you will be losing pounds, that should not be your main focus. You are making changes to become healthier. As you begin to replace unhealthy foods with healthy foods, you will notice that your energy level increases. Your clothes become looser and you notice positive changes in your health. Eating healthier has been known to lower cholesterol, blood pressure and reduce inflammation associated with arthritis.

Take time to acknowledge the positive changes in your body and your health. Celebrate your accomplishments. If for some reason, you lose focus and go off your plan, that's okay; just refocus and get back on course.

When you make the process about being healthy (not losing weight) you will find that it's easier to remain focused. Your body will react favorably and you will be much happier.

Women and Sisterhood

As little girls in our youth, we form many different types of friendships. We have acquaintances, friends, BF's BFF's. As we become women, we move into the ultimate friendship known as sisterhood. Sisterhood can be defined as the solidarity of women based on shared conditions, experiences, or concerns; a sisterly relationship.

As we mature, our friendships move from friends to best friends to sisterhood, which is the cream of the crop. Best friends can be replaced, we can lose contact or we can close the door to the relationship altogether. Sisterhood is forever. It's more than the youthful BFF. As we become women our criteria for friendships change. Although we still tend to categorize some of our friendships, sisterhood is reserved for those we respect; those that are on the same playing field as our self. Sisterhood requires the utmost trust, dedication, love and confidence in another person. Developing a sisterhood takes time to nurture and grow. Unfortunately, at times, we can lose sight of what sisterhood is all about.

How does one enter into sisterhood with another? First, you have to define and understand what sisterhood means. You want to ensure that as you enter into sisterhood, all parties involved hold the same understanding and commitment. You want to ensure that you do not harbor any unresolved issues in your heart. If you engage in name-calling, cattiness and gossip, you must ask yourself if you are really interested in having a sisterhood relationship. Rid yourself of any judgmental attitudes. It's easier to focus on someone else's negativity than to admit to your own. Let go of any competition you may feel. Stop any comparisons you make between your self and others. You can't have a meaningful sisterhood while dealing with limitations or insecurities.

Women who enter sisterhood, make no comparisons with others; there are no jealousies or covetousness. Women who are confident are truly happy for those in their sisterhood and their successes. You laugh with them and cry with them. You encourage them.

Having a sisterhood means there is respect between the "sisters". The bond is as sacred as that of a respected bond with a family member.

How do you define your friendships with women? Do you have a sisterhood or are you still in the production mode? Embrace sisterhood by being the ultimate friend. Be a good woman. Honor your word and commitments. That's the only way to having a true sisterhood.