Living Just Enough

Have you ever felt as though there is something missing in your life? Upon completing our education, we set out on a journey. We know the type of job or career we want to pursue. We develop a timeline that will keep us on track in order to reach our final destination.

Then life hits us with a dose of reality. Maybe there were things we overlooked. We begin to question what we expected out of life. We get restless and at times get defeated. We just want to do enough to get by. We didn't know that there would be so many bumps in the road; that we would get off track. New ideas, new approaches to our current situations, and doubting our doubts can play a role into why we feel we are living just enough.

As we stumble and fumble with our choices and decisions there is a tendency to get off course. We can lose our sense of direction. The vision we have for our destination gets cloudy. As our plans go awry, we question whether to should switch gears, maybe find a new destination.

The struggles we encounter may be frustrating, however, there are many life lessons that can be learned. If we mess up, it's okay. Opportunities will present itself that will enable you to make changes. Living just enough is when you don't take any action. It's when you choose to wallow in self-pity. It's when you would rather complain about all the things that are holding you back instead of seeing where the new direction will take you.

Life will always have it's ups and downs. When you begin to feel doubt take a look at what is happening in your life. Is there something that needs to be addressed? Is there a different path that you should take? Doubts are just another way of letting us know that there may be more that we need to explore.

Your experiences will shape you into knowing who you are. As a result, it will guide you from where you are to where you need to be. So, which path will you take? Will you pursue a great life or will you settle for living just enough?

Thinking Smarter Provides a Healthier Brain

My Pastor just completed a 7-week sermon on thinking smarter. "Be careful how you think; your life is shaped by your thoughts" Proverbs 4:23 TEV was the main Scripture referenced throughout the series. We've all heard comments such as "You are what you think", "Our thoughts shape our beliefs", and "We need to exercise our mind", to name a few.

We've also heard and listened to the many guru's in the world that tell us what we should do to think smarter, how to transform our thoughts, etc., however, did you know that you can trace positive thinking back to the Bible? That is so awesome! Before the guru's ever came up with the idea on how to change your thoughts, the Scriptures offered guidance. Romans 12:2 NLT states "Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God's will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect."

This series has had a great impact on me as I support the belief that we are as we think. As a child, if you were constantly praised for your efforts, then it's safe to say that you have good thoughts about your abilities. If, however, you were always belittled, mocked or criticized then, chances are that you carry some doubt as to your abilities. You may not believe that you deserve happiness, financial success, a promotion, etc. It makes a big difference when people know that they have a support system and that others believe in them.

Having a negative mindset can cause hurt. Our words can become sarcastic. We can lash out with hurtful comments that can't be taken back and can continue to have an impact on us years later. When you exercise your mind into thinking smarter, "thinking before you speak" becomes a no brainer.

Once you decide that you want to make changes you will want to sculpt your mind into a healthier brain. One of the first things to consider would be to cleanse your mind. Ask yourself the right questions that will allow you to identify, get rid of and replace any toxic thoughts. If there are negative thoughts or beliefs that you are unable to break or understand, you will have to determine the origin of this thought or belief. Is it something that was ingrained in your mind as a child? Once you can get to the root of the pain or negativity you will be able to change the pattern of how you think. This enables you to gain clarity.

Completing a mind cleanse will provide you with a positive foundation that you can build on. As you begin the process of transforming your thoughts, let me leave you with the following Bible Scriptures: "You will have to live with the consequences of everything you say" Proverbs 18:20 GNT and "Words kill, words give life; they're either poison or fruit - you choose." Proverbs 18: 21 MSG.

Stop limiting yourself with negative thinking. Being positive is healthier for you. Thinking smarter, having a healthier brain, will help shape you in to a better person.      

Surviving Life's Sucker Punches

Life has a tendency to throw us many curve balls. If we don't move out of the way we'll be sucker punched. Being sucker punched is when life, without any warning, provides us with crisis after crisis. We are caught off guard. We ask ourselves "what more can go wrong?"

Sucker punches can start off small (i.e. a flat tire) and grow into larger problems (i.e. serious illness). I can recall an occasion when my car was scheduled for an oil change. While on my way to the mechanic, the airbag light lit up indicating that I needed to have the airbag checked. As the serviceman opened the hood of my car, I could see that some type of liquid had spilled. It was determined that there was a hole in the radiator that caused a leak. In addition, as my car was being checked for regular routine maintenance I was told that I needed four new tires. Sure enough the tires had been balding and I hadn't noticed that it was time for replacement. My oil change appointment ended up costing quite a bit as there was no way to get around purchasing the tires, repairing the airbag light and replacing the radiator. I felt sucker punched.

Whether it's car repairs, home repairs, divorce, loss of job/income or career, serious illnesses, etc., we all face difficulties. The important thing to remember is to not allow these punches to bruise your outlook on life. Think of all the children or people you know that are in the hospital greeting you with positive attitudes and wearing smiles on their faces even though they are battling cancer or recovering from the loss of a limb. Turn your thoughts around. Don't waste time wallowing in self-pity. Don't focus your thoughts on the "bad deal" life handed you.

As you enter the ring, size up your challenges. Are you going to meet these problems head on or are you going to duck in and out in an effort to avoid being hit again? You may not immediately knock out the issues you face. It may take a few rounds to beat down and overcome any opposition. You have the power to lessen the blows felt by being sucker punched. Are you going to block the blows or are you going to stand there and allow yourself to be knocked out?

It all starts with your outlook. If you expect to be defeated, then, you are predicting your own failure. If however, your attitude is that "this too shall pass", you open yourself up to new possibilities. When you approach things from a positive perspective it lessens the blows. You heal much quicker. Eventually, you can walk away from being sucker punched without any bruising. You will no longer feel threatened by any knockouts. You become the champion and that is what surviving life's sucker punches is all about.      

Are You Running On Empty?

Have you ever had days where you have so much going on that you feel like your running on empty? You may be feeling overwhelmed by the amount of "stuff" in your life. You're so busy taking care of everyone else that you neglect your own needs.

The desire to help others is part of human nature. We get ourselves into trouble when we take on more than we can handle. At times it's difficult to say no when asked for help.

When you begin to feel as though you're being pulled in different directions, there aren't enough hours in the day or you feel as though you've been beaten down, these are signs that you are running on empty. It's time for a reality check. You do not have to continue to operate this way. What, if anything, are you getting out of this lifestyle? Who are you trying to impress?

It's time to refuel your self. The first step is to learn how to say no. Start off saying no to small requests. As you get comfortable you can move toward saying no to the larger requests. You don't have to come to everyone's rescue. Saying no allows them to be accountable for their own actions and decisions. It helps them stand on their own two feet. Saying no provides you with empowerment. It helps you focus on what you need to stay healthy. Maintaining your health provides you with the sustenance or gas to function properly.

It's okay to acknowledge when you're on empty. It's also okay to get help from others or provide help to others. The difference is in not being taken advantage of by others. Once you understand the difference you will find it easier to say no. So go ahead. Take the first steps towards refueling yourself. Keep your tank full. Your life will run smoother.  

No Offense But....

Whenever I hear those words, I brace myself for some type of criticism. I'm being warned upfront that I might have a reaction to a comment that is being directed at me; that the comment may not come out nicely. Does prefacing the comment with "no offense" before insulting someone make it okay?

We have all been in situations where friends and family have been in a crisis mode. Or maybe they're struggling with making a decision. We want to offer encouragement and or advice. Without thinking things through we offer our guidance. If we haven't taken the time to ensure that we understand the situation, then our words could add insult to injury.

What do you think of when you hear the words "no offense"? Do the words cause any reaction? If the answer is no, then that is great. Not reacting or not allowing the comments to affect you is the better way to handle criticism or negative input.  If, however, you get defensive, you may want to determine the reasons behind the reaction. Is the issue the person making the comment? Is it what was said, or maybe, you're reacting to unsolicited advice?

Resist the temptation to say "I didn't ask for your advice". Don't allow the insult to affect you. Consider that the person may truly have meant well. They just may not know how to effectively communicate their concern.

If, however, the comments are purposely mean-spirited, then you have to consider the source. Consider that there is something going on in that person's life that is causing them to make hurtful comments. In this scenario, the comments have nothing to do with you. Shake off the negativity. You do not need to respond.

Whatever the situation, thank the person for their concern and move on. You do not owe them any explanation or response. However you choose to acknowledging that you heard them is on you. You alone have the power to negate any negativity. Take the high road. You'll be a happier, better person.

Living a Teflon-Coated Life

Do you remember the nursery rhyme "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me"? As a child, that silly rhyme may have had no effect, however, as you got older, more value was placed on people's perceptions. It became easier to question and doubt who you thought you were.

Throughout our life we may have had to deal with condescending remarks, rudeness, disrespectfulness, etc. We will never understand what goes on in another persons mind. We can't understand why someone says some of the things they say.
 
Why is it so easy to allow your confidence to be shaken by someone throwing verbal stones? It's possible that there may be some repressed validity to the cutting remarks. During childhood, we may have supported negative beliefs about our character. Our lives may have been built on a shaky foundation stemming from negative or false beliefs. Each time we listened to and supported these false beliefs another layer of untruths were added to our foundation. Eventually, our foundation or confidence, would crack under the weight.

It's time to re-build and strengthen your foundation. One option to accomplish this is to stop believing the negatives. Other people's characterization should not be the basis of how we see ourselves. We need to develop thick skin & become teflon-coated. Picture, if you will, a frying pan that is coated with teflon. The coating allows for no food to stick to the pan. Just as with teflon, we need to allow the verbal attacks to roll off of us. Keep your mind coated with positiveness.

The phrase "bite your tongue" says it all. Maybe if one were to bite their tongue before any negative comments were made people would learn quickly to only speak nicely of others. Don't waste time on people who won't change their perception of you. What they think doesn't mater. Keep yourself oiled with teflon and watch how easy things will roll off. When you reach this point, your teflon-coated life will be untouchable by judgments because you will be clear on who you are.

Holding On To Grudges

The word grudge is defined as being unwilling to give or admit; to give or allow reluctantly or resentfully; having a feeling of deep-seated resentment or ill will.

Grudges impact our happiness. It keeps us in a state of anger, resentment, disappointment and bewilderment. We've all experienced holding on to grudges or being the recipient of a grudge. When you are the person holding the grudge you find ways to support your reasoning behind the grudge(s). People were rude to you, or judged you incorrectly, you have a perception of the individual that goes against your morals or maybe the individual caused harm to you or someone you care about.

If you are the recipient of the grudge you may or may not ever know the reason behind the grudge, why an individual won't speak to you, or maybe why a friendship has been terminated.

Whatever the reason, there will come a time that you may have to 1) consider your role (if any) in the situation and or 2) determine whether you want to resolve the situation. Soul searching will be required. If you are carrying the bitterness, what is causing the unrest in your life? Is it possible that your perception or judgment is incorrect or unfounded? Are you willing to make amends? If you're the recipient of the grudge are you willing to apologize without laying blame? If so, it won't matter who is at fault. You cannot control the actions of others. You may have to accept that the situation won't change. If so, it may be time to walk away from the friendship or relationship.

The main goal will be to resolve any conflict. Ultimately, your happiness is up to you. There's nothing to be gained by holding on to bitterness. It is up to you to determine whether you choose to be strong and let go.

Weakness versus Strength

We all have character traits that are developed during our childhood. These traits can be perceived as possible strengths and or weaknesses dependent on the situation. For example, someone who raises their voice and yells may think that by doing so, the receiver of the "rant" will feel intimidated into submitting to the requests of the yeller. Another way of looking at the yeller's conduct could be that they are frightened to the degree where they have lost control.

When someone stands their ground or defends their position on a decision or topic, the perceived inability to agree with another can be viewed as someone being stubborn or difficult. This characterization (when done by a peer or supervisor) could be damaging during a review session. In reality, all character traits can have a pro and con associated with the perception.

There are individuals that will prey on what they perceive is a weakness and use it to their benefit. They will tell anyone who will listen why you can't be depended on, why you don't have what it takes to be promoted, etc. Someone being viewed as being quiet may be misdiagnosed as being mousy. The individual may be quietly analyzing the situation before they offer an opinion. Or maybe there is nothing else to contribute.

The issue becomes that of turning what is a perceived weakness into a strength. That may entail changing someone's perception. Just because someone has the wrong viewpoint does not mean that they are correct. Sometimes changing one's perception of you is as easy as rephrasing what was said. You can also ask clarifying questions.

Our identity is not with others or what they think of us. We don't need the approval of others. We can, however, decide to take a look at any feedback provided by someone we trust or by someone with no ulterior motives. If you determine that there is a weakness, then you can make any required changes. Have faith in your abilities. Life is better when you focus on the positives.

Me, Serve On Jury Duty?

Jury duty. My presence has been requested, however, I've never been selected to serve on a jury. I don't know whether that's good or bad. I know that I have a duty to serve. Do I really want the responsibility of judging the actions of others and then determining how my judgment will impact their future?

Our lives are filled with opportunities for judgments. We learn at an early age how to judge and that judgments are normal. We base our judgments on what we see and what we hear. These judgments can be offered with or without facts. There may even be exaggerations to minimize or over emphasize the situations.

Our judgments are oftentimes influenced by family, friends and preconceived ideas. As we mature, we have to develop the skills to make and trust our own assessments. It's up to us to ensure that if we are in a position where we have to judge, that we have done our research.

There are 2-3 well-known jury cases that are currently being televised. I'm intrigued by these cases. Not necessarily because of the crimes that were committed, but because of the lawyer's interpretations of the law and their case presentations based on the law. The facts seem at times to get lost in the law.

It's amazing how you can take one law and have several interpretations. You listen to the evidence presented. You draw your conclusions. Then you are instructed to make your judgments based on the law. Let's say, for example, you have a permit to carry a concealed weapon. You find yourself in a situation whereby you have to defend yourself. This results in causing serious harm to another individual. In this example, if the law says that you have the right to defend yourself then, it's difficult to understand whether you're judging the law, the accused or the crime committed.

Yes, there's a big responsibility to serving as a juror and there are some that understandably prefer not to serve on jury duty. There's a lot to consider when you are faced with knowledge that your judgment will impact someone's life. I know that eventually I will get the opportunity to do my duty. I hope and pray that when the opportunity presents itself, that The Lord gives me the wisdom and discernment to make the correct assessments and judgments.

Character Assassinations

Many of us can recall instances of people making unkind or untrue comments. Whether during our school or college years or during our job or career we've all been exposed to individuals who are quite comfortable spreading untruths. Why is it so easy to believe negative comments we hear? What happened to innocent until proven guilty or of giving someone the benefit of the doubt?

It is up to each of us whether to participate in character assassinations. In the Bible, John 8:7 AMP, it states "Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone...". It is not up to us to judge a person's character. It is, however, up to each of us to ensure that we are truthful in and with our communications.

I've learned that individuals who initiate untruths:
* may oftentimes be jealous and or covet what another individual may possess.
* have a need to make someone else look bad in order for them to look good.
* may have feelings of low self-esteem which can cause hurtful behavior towards others.

Although each of the above bullet points are generalizations, we each have to determine the role we want to play when exposed to untruths. We have the option of walking away, of refusing to listen. If the comments are about us we can correct the untruth or we can ignore it. Remember, those that really know us will not buy into untruths.

For the individuals choosing to spread the untruths, is there some soul-searching required on your part? What do you get out of spreading rumors or of making up falsehoods? What comes out of our mouths reflect on us. Be accountable for the things you say. Selfish motives for participating in character assassinations will eventually be exposed.

If you are the subject of petty rumors and untruths, you do not have to defend yourself. John Wooden's quote "Be more concerned with your character than your reputation. Your character is what you really are while your reputation is merely what others think you are" is a good quote to live by. Judgments others make about us does not make their assessment correct.

If you find yourself in a situation whereby a judgment is required, make sure you have all the facts. Deception and or gossip should not be part of our lives. We are each responsible for our own conduct. Don't condone the behavior of those individuals promoting untruths and hearsay. And above all, don't compromise your values by engaging in character assassinations.

Knee Jerk Reaction

Each of us has been in situations whereby we know what we are supposed to do, yet, we do something different. For example, when driving in the rain, you hit a puddle of water. Your car begins to swerve. You're supposed to turn the steering wheel in the direction of the swerve. Instead, your mind reacts and you turn in the opposite direction of the swerve. It's as though your mind has it's own GPS system. Should you go off-course or against what has been preprogrammed in your mind, your internal GPS will recalculate your reasoning.

When we go against reasoning, we open ourselves up to a lot of knee jerk reactions. Our emotions begin to rule our thoughts. We make decisions that we tend to regret later. For example, have you ever made a purchase that you knew you couldn't afford? You know that if you make the purchase it will put you further into debt. You ignore your internal warning system. Your knee jerk reaction is that you don't care about the future debt. You just want to take care of what you determine is an immediate need.

Or, maybe, you're in the middle of an argument with your spouse. You know that certain comments are "off limits" (as these tend to cause hurt). You purposely make the comment in an effort to gain the upper hand. At the end of the argument, you offer an apology. Unfortunately, you can't take back what was said. Your spouse's mind will file those words away (to be remembered at a later time).

In order to move away from these types of reactions you'll want to check your emotions at the door. Don't make emotion-based choices or decisions. Listen to your minds internal GPS as it provides the reasoning or foundation to support your decisions. Doing what you know you should do consistently and keeping a positive frame of mind will decrease (and eventually do away with) knee jerk reactions. Isn't that a better way to live?
  

Giving It Your All

Summer is here and the Little League and All-Star Baseball Games have gotten underway. The youth teams are made up of the best of the best baseball players. Watching some of these games is just as exciting as watching the major league All-Star Games.

Our youth decide at an early age whether they want to play any type of sports. For some youth, the initial interest could be to play just for fun. For others, playing sports stems from a desire to possibly play professional sports.

There are many dedicated years of practice that these youth go through to perfect their talents. From playing sports in general, youth learn about commitment, responsibility, time management, integrity, sportsmanship, honesty, etc. The discipline that is taught will carry over into adult years. Messages such as "Don't give up"; You are part of a team"; "Just give it your all" are the same types of messages that one receives in the collegiate, career or corporate environment.

Players can be exposed to both positive and negative types of "messages" from their coaches, parents, friends, peers, etc. I can recall hearing that the Chicago Bulls basketball player, Michael Jordan, was told at an early age that he was not a good basketball player. What would his life be like today if he had listened to those negative messages? Michael had a determination. He believed in himself. He gave it his all when he played. He tuned out any thoughts that contradicted how he viewed his talent. As a result, he became a well-known, well-paid professional basketball player.

Michael has been quoted as saying "It doesn't matter if you win as long as you give everything in your heart". This positive attitude can be applied to life in general. Always do you're best. Tune out negative thoughts by switching to positive thinking. Look for the good in each situation. When you do, your confidence thrives. Win or lose in life situations, you can walk away knowing that you gave it your all.  That's what makes you an all-star!

Living Life Through Rose-Colored Glasses

Every day we face challenges. These challenges can impact decisions related to our family, job, career, relationships, etc. As we make decisions to resolve these challenges, it is crucial that we have a clear understanding of what's at hand. The way we perceive our situation could limit our ability to move forward and secure the desired outcome.

Our perceptions can cause us to doubt our capabilities. Thoughts of insecurity, incorrect judgments, false beliefs, etc., can lead us down the wrong path. Have you ever made a decision that you felt was correct only to have doubt creep in? You begin to second guess your every thought. You find fault with previous decisions you made. You begin to think of all the reasons why your decisions will fail. Take a look at what is causing your doubt. Is the doubt sending you a message that you are about to make a wrong choice? Or maybe the doubt is an indicator that it's time for a change.

Instead of focusing on what won't work, start looking at your life through rose-colored glasses. Focus on the positives. You may not have a home mortgage, however, your apartment provides you with a roof over your head. You may be unable to secure a teaching job, however, you can train or mentor people. Your car may be old, however, it still runs good. Looking at life through rose-colored glasses provides you with options. Be receptive to exploring these options.

Seeing your truths and capabilities, will remove the dark tinting, or limitations that may be prevalent in your life. So, don't be afraid. Put on your rose-colored glasses and enjoy your life!