Connecting The Dots

When I was a young child I received a lot of coloring books. Some of those coloring books had partial or incomplete drawings that could be completed by following specific steps. Some of the pages had an outline of a picture that was comprised of dots. In order to complete the drawing you had to "connect the dots".

Unknowingly, coloring pages can teach children different lessons. Children can learn how to complete assignments, homework and or projects; how to follow directions and how to stay on a given path. Children can even learn about the sequence of numbers. These are a few of the lessons learned in a fun environment free from stress.

Another lesson taught was that as long as you stayed on course, you couldn't fail. There was always a sense of happiness when our drawing was completed. We couldn't wait to see what our next drawing would produce.

As we become older, we encounter different life lessons. These lessons begin to shape and develop the canvas of our lives. Our experiences paint a picture that provides the layout of what's ahead. Our map can be littered with different possibilities, shortcuts or even dead-ends. It is up to each of us to determine the course we want to take in life.

Each dot on your map represents a destination, next step or a milestone. Take time to acknowledge the trials and tribulations of the journey. Appreciate where you are, the growth and progress you've made. Prepare yourself for what lies ahead.

Positive and negative experiences will impact your destination. These life lessons could keep you headed in the right direction or take you off course. When dealing with a negative experience determine how you can turn it into a positive experience. Once you identify your path, do you know what steps will be required to get you from the starting point to the end point or your destiny, career or job? How will you connect the dots? How will you erase any roadblocks preventing you from connecting and staying on course? One way is through living a positive life. Focus on the good. As you make mistakes, figure out what you did wrong, acknowledge what you did wrong, correct the mistake and move on. Don't wallow in any negativity.

Always have a plan in mind and a goal to work towards. Use wisdom and discernment to develop a workaround that keeps you focused. Learn how to "connect the dots" and see how your life unfolds. Once you complete your finished product/journey, you will find peace knowing that you are "connected"; that you are living the life that was meant to be.

 

Changing Old Perceptions

My sister and I were discussing personality changes that we've each experienced throughout our lives. During the discussion, my sister commented that as she continues to age, she has gotten very quiet. I laughed at this and responded with how easy she can become irritated and develop an "attitude". Her comment back to me was that her friends think she is very quiet.

That comment provided me with an "aha moment". A few things came to mind related to perceptions. Do we act one way with family and a different way with friends? Are family members "stuck" in how they perceive us? Will they ever forget the old and recognize the new and improved version of you?

I had to question my mindset. Was I judging my sister based on my childhood memories? After all, don't I know her better than her friends?

I began thinking about the changes in my life. I didn't like it when people expected me to act or be a certain way. I wanted to be me. At times I resisted the feedback that was being provided. As I grew older, there were changes I wanted to make in my life. As I grew in wisdom and discernment, how I handled situations, how I reacted to different life lessons that I encountered, transformed me into having a change in my attitude.

As a young rebellious teen, I didn't care what others thought of me, however, I sure had an opinion of how I thought you should be. My perceptions of others were always accurate (at least in my mind). Is that what I was doing with my sister? Do I still have blind spots?

I was comfortable with how I viewed my sister. I hadn't considered that just as I made changes so had she. I had to acknowledge that it is possible that others recognized things about my sister that I hadn't noticed.

Changing my old perceptions will benefit both my sister and I. I don't want to be stuck, nor do I want to be judgmental. I want to celebrate the progress she has made in bettering her life. I thank her for revealing a character flaw that can be corrected.

How about you? Are you stuck in old perceptions? If so, let go of your expectations of how others should be. You'll be glad you did.

A Day Of Thanks

Today in the United States we celebrated Thanksgiving. The day means different things for different people. For some, it's a day of getting together and sharing a meal with family and friends. For others it's a day to acknowledge being thankful for what you have in your life. Others will spend the day volunteering to feed those that are less fortunate. Then, there are those who view this day as just a regular day. They place no more importance on this day than any other day.

What does Thanksgiving mean to you? What are you grateful for?

For me, first and foremost, I am thankful to and for The Lord. I am thankful for the life He has provided me. I am thankful for His guidance and His love. I am thankful for the choices and many opportunities He sends my way. I am thankful for my faith; my beliefs.

It wasn't always that way. There was a time in my life that my being thankful had a different meaning. I was more grateful for material things. I had a sense of entitlement. Having the nicest clothes, a fancy car, and a huge house meant more to me. I wanted others to want my life. This resulted in my carrying a high rate of debt. I was in fear of people finding out that my life was a lie. I found that there was more to life than just having "stuff". I could have nice clothes, drive a nice car and have a nice house without living in debt. I began to change my ways, In doing so, my happiness and thankfulness in material things began to dwindle.

I am thankful for a healthy life. I am thankful for the freedom my country affords me. I am able to make choices, get a good education and live a good life. I give thanks that I can encourage people to pursue their dreams. I can lend an ear.

There are times when we have an opportunity to do things for others. We can literally make someone's day and put smiles on their faces. If you see someone who is sad, homeless, having a bad day at work, do you do something about it or do you ignore the situation? If you choose to help do you question the motives behind your act of kindness? Are you seeking an ego boost? Are you offering to help only to get something in return? Or do you do random acts of kindness and charity anonymously? Doing something just to secure some type of reward is the wrong approach to living a life of thankfulness.

We each have different reasons for being thankful. We have different approaches. Being thankful is an awesome way to live. Be thankful for the air you breathe; for the ability to see, hear, taste, see and feel. Be thankful that you can be all that you want to be.

If you believe in the power of prayer, thank God for answering your prayers. Be grateful for your provisions. Celebrate the goodness in your life daily. Life is too short to only show gratitude and thankfulness one day out of the year.

Lessons From A Dog's Life

I have a rescue dog that is part terrier. She loves to run and play with certain types of dogs. She's very protective and will defend me if she thinks I'm in danger.

My dog is loyal. When I think of her, it reminds me of how we have a similar lifestyle. I enjoy life. I enjoy the freedom of making choices, being with friends and family. I am protective of my family especially if I feel that they are in harms way.

Dogs lead such simple lives. They are always happy to see us. They are patient and are willing to wait for whatever time we have to devote to them. When they have our attention, you can see their eagerness to please, to have fun and to explore whatever we choose to share with them. Unless they don't feel well, it's rare that dogs are sad. Dogs, for the most part, have good, positive, dispositions.

We can learn a few things from observing a dog's life. When a dog's ears go "up" they are sensing that something has changed. When trouble is looming, they may begin with a low growl that can grow and become loud incessant barking. This will alert us that something needs our attention. In our day-to-day lives, we sometimes get premonitions when something is "off". Our intuition attempts to gain our attention by sending thoughts of doubt. It's up to us whether we choose to heed these warnings or deal with the consequences.

At a young age, dogs develop personality traits that define their nature. They learn behaviors from their owners. Will they be playful, lazy, mean, good-natured, etc? We've heard that dogs take on the personality of their owners. Certain types of dogs are natural born leaders. Some dogs are "bullies", always needing to show who's the boss. Do you tend to be a leader, playful and helpful? Or do you prefer bullying tactics?

Dogs are independent. They adapt remarkably well to change. Dogs also understand dependency. They will patiently wait for our guidance while going through changes. What is our approach to change? Do we resist/question change or do we go with the flow?

I am grateful for my dog. She loves me unconditionally. She has taught me to not take life so seriously. When I am stressed and my dog is near, I take a few moments to play with her. Playing with her is one of the best tension tamers in my life.

Yes, dogs lead a simple life. Observing a dog's life can teach us a lot about how we live and choices we make. It's up to each of us to ensure that we are living life to the fullest while taking time to relax and have fun. That's the only way to have a rewarding life.

Just One More Chance

I'm a risk taker. Always have been. Although I enjoy taking risks, there are times that I shy away from taking chances. There are times when I just want to make a "safe" decision without worrying whether there will be any repercussions.

We've all experienced opportunities in which we question the decisions we are about to make or have already made. The dilemma we face is in having faith that we've chosen wisely.  Each circumstance we face can lead us in many directions. How do you determine the best option?

Taking that next step, not knowing whether our expectations will be met can be very daunting. If we over think the outcome, the stress builds up and we end up allowing doubt to plague us. There is also fear of the unknown. What happens if we make a choice and it's the wrong choice? Is there an easy fix or are we stuck with the decision we made?

Imagine that you have been presented with two great job opportunities. One job is local, the other job requires moving away from family and friends. You can envision being happy with either career move and you decide to go with whichever opportunity comes available first. Then you begin listening to the opinions of others and you begin to question whether you really weighed all of your options. What then? Do you begin to build yourself up to fear the outcome of your choice? Do you, after making the decision wonder what the outcome would be if you choose a different path? That's a normal reaction.  

Then there are times when we've made decisions that we have regretted. We wish for just one more chance to correct what may be viewed as a poor or wrong choice or decision. Maybe it was a decision to purchase a different car, going to a different college or taking a chance on a new relationship. Maybe it was learning something new, making changes or trying something different. After you made your decision, there was a feeling of regret, of wondering what could have been.

Sometimes, you just want to change your mind. You made your decision based on the criteria you previously had on hand. Then new information becomes available and you want one more chance to regroup and make sure that your original decision is still the best option.

The desire to have just one more chance is a normal reaction. It provides us with checks and balances to understand why we made the decisions we made and to make any necessary updates or corrections. Don't be afraid of taking risks, of taking one more chance. Remember, if you take a risk you win and this leads towards happiness. Poor choices may initially be perceived as a loss. You will find, however, that you learn by your mistakes. You begin to make better choices, choices that make you wiser. That's what having just one more chance is all about.

An Addictive Life

Many of us desire different things. At times, these desires turn into cravings. When the cravings become the driving force of our life, then it becomes an addiction.

Addiction is defined as a compulsive need for and use of a habit-forming substance (as nicotine or alcohol) characterized by tolerance & by well-defined physiological symptoms upon withdrawal. Addiction covers a broad spectrum that can include anything from food, relationships, health, money, etc.

How does an addiction begin? One example is that of being under stress. Having stress in our life wreaks havoc on our emotions. When we are dealing with situations that are overwhelming, where we don't see a way out, it's easy to turn to food and or alcohol. For some individuals, food and alcohol serve as a means of a temporary relief from having to cope with unbearable circumstances. It's a means of escaping negativity.

As we continue along the path of wanting to escape from our sorrows, our cravings become rituals.  These rituals become habit forming. We rely on the pleasure substance to meet our needs. We then entertain feelings of guilt for attempting to solve our problems via this cycle of addiction.

Addictions can stem from childhood memories, from a sport injury or a car accident. There are also addictions that stem from relationships. Have you ever met or been involved with someone whose addiction was belittling or bullying? Their craving or desire is to cause harm through words. They enjoy trying to make others feel unworthy. These individuals have low self-esteem. Their addiction is to discourage others; to convince them that they have no value. Don't believe their garbage. Throw it out. Learn to trust your insight and what you offer.

Don't allow someone else's addiction to cause you pain. You can offer to lend support to someone who wants to go through recovery. Be encouraging as they go through their trials and tribulations. Don't, however, live in denial with the addict. This is something that parents tend to do. It's hard to see your child suffer. The more you enable someone dealing with addictions the more the situation will remain as is.

If you happen to be the caretaker of an addict (no matter what the addiction) don't forget to take care of yourself. Understand that you can't solve the situation for them. Develop a thick skin and let their tirades roll off of you. Above all, have faith that eventually, the addict will move from living an addictive life into a better life. Now, that's something to look forward to!

Oops, Did I Do That? (Results of Bad Decisions)

Have you ever purchased items that you couldn't afford (i.e. appliances, clothing, a car or a home, etc,)? Are your credit cards maxed out to the point where payments are a challenge? Do you continue to live your life in a way that keeps you in lack?

At times we all realize that some of the choices we make are not sound. Our decisions can be unwise and the result of being reactionary. The results of our choices leave us wondering, "oops, did I do that"? We may not have thought things through prior to making our decisions.

What steps go into our thought process prior to making choices? Are we in an emotional state, a state of desperation? We purchase things just to have the latest in technology or to have the nicest car. We don't stop to consider whether we can afford the purchase or whether our bank account(s) can support our decision financially. When we are feeling a sense of entitlement, nothing will stop us. Living out of our means doesn't register in our mind. We focus more on and are motivated by the perception of others as to how successful we are.

We often do not realize that the decisions we make can have an impact on our family, friends and even our job. When we are stressed, we tend to blame others, find fault with others including our spouse, children, peers and bosses.

Living in debt wreaks havoc on our emotions, promotes fear (how will we survive?), causes stress and can sometimes lead to making additional poor choices. For example, living from paycheck to paycheck does not allow for opportunities to engage in fun activities such as sports or going to a nice restaurant.

In realizing how poor choices and bad decisions impact your life, there comes a time when you must decide to turn things around. How do you change your spending attitude and or correct any false beliefs you may have related to spending?

It may be helpful to ask the following questions prior to making a purchasing decision:
* Is this something I really need?
* Where will "it" go?
* What is "it" replacing?
* Can I afford "it"?

The answer to these questions will lead you away from an "oops, did I do that?" mentality of living with bad decisions and guide you to making better decisions. The more good decisions you make places you on a path of knowing that your choices are sound and well thought out. You're not making an emotional decision, nor is your decision fear-based.

Making better decisions can be liberating. Isn't that a better way to live?

Oh, Give Me A Break

My goodness. What is up with people who are always complaining that they can't get a break? Life is too hard. They are always a day late and a dollar short. No one likes them. Blah, blah, blah. Seriously??

Life is too short. Every day we are presented with opportunities to better ourselves, to make changes. We can't rely on others to determine how our life will turn out. Sure, people can provide input, offer suggestions and lend an ear, however, ultimately the choice is ours.

Do you find yourself making comparisons to others, feeling a sense of lack when you don't measure up? The path others have chosen may not be a match for you. You can't tailor your life based on the lives of others. There are too many variables that may be unknown to you. Following the stepping-stones of someone else's life could lead you down the wrong path.

Your path is strewn with many bumps in the roads. What lessons have you learned from past mistakes? What lies are taking up space in your mind and heart that aren't true about your self? Release your self from any limitations that are keeping you imprisoned. You've served your time going through the hardships associated with the trials and tribulations. Acknowledging the good in you will set yourself free of the self-imposed bondage.

Maybe it's time to give yourself a pep talk and acknowledge your strengths. Focus on the positive things in your life. When you focus on what is good and right, you bring new life into your "game". You gain a new perspective; you strengthen your character and you operate on "full steam".

Stop expecting others to give you a break. Let go of your ego. Take control of your life. Utilize your inner power source. Continue to "plug in". Focus on where you want to go and plan how you will get there. Then, sit back and enjoy the journey!

Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire

Liar, liar, pants on fire is a nursery rhyme taught to children. Every time, a child is caught lying, they face being taunted by playmates singing this little song. Kids have vivid imaginations. They don't necessarily think that they are lying when they stretch the truth.

Do you recall the story of Pinocchio? Every time he told a lie his nose would grow. There are some children who were taught to believe in that fairy tale. Fortunately, they grew out of that false belief.

Have you ever considered why a lie is told or what the outcome is of telling a lie? Typically, people lie to impress others, "white" lies are told by withholding a portion of the truth out of concern that the entire truth could be harmful, people lie to evade issues, and at times, malicious lies are told by "mean-spirited" and oftentimes jealous individuals. There are many more examples of why lies are told.

Lets take a look at some of the outcomes of lying. Lying can cause ruin to one's reputation or character (if the lie is believed). Lying can delay an outcome, however, eventually, the situation will have to be dealt with. A "white lie" is formed out of good intentions, however, when discovered, still causes doubt as to why the need for the lie. "Mean-spirited" individuals sparked by jealousy often spread vicious lies. The ultimate goal is to disparage an individual. Eventually, the "mean-spirited" individual is found out and held to task for their role in the lie.

Other types of lies to consider are the lies we tell ourselves. Lies such as you'll never be successful, you're no good; you're overweight, you're not a good parent, etc. These lies are the most challenging, in that we convince ourselves that the lies are true. We deceive ourselves by holding on to these non-truths. We shame ourselves with the mindset that these negative thoughts originating from both our childhood and adulthood are a permanent fixture. Akin to planting a tree, we water the seeds and watch as the lies grow. Just as the branches of a tree are intertwined, so are the lies embedded in our heart and mind.

The reality is that we don't have to support the lies. We don't have to suffer by living with a victim's mentality. We can change our circumstances. Circumstance is defined as a condition that accompanies or modifies a fact or event, a modifying or influencing factor. It is our choice to either believe the lie and remain stuck or recognize the truth and make some changes.

So, ask yourself, what truths are you willing to acknowledge and focus on? Are you willing to free yourself of the lies or will you continue to play "liar, liar, pants on fire" in your mind? The choice is yours.

Feeling Angry?

Do you ever wonder what makes you angry?

Anger is described as an intense emotional state induced by displeasure. We have all caused anger and have been at the receiving end of anger. Neither situation is good. When we cause the anger we lay hurt at another persons feet. When we receive anger, it causes a mixture of emotions within us.

We have all faced circumstances that have caused us to react with anger. What is it about certain situations that cause us to adopt a different "personality"? Let me share a few personal examples:

I can recall instances coming home from work yelling at my spouse, kids and even the dog. Every thing they did upset me. I couldn't get a break. There was a consistent barrage of requests. Why couldn't they fend for themselves? I could never turn off the 'open for business" sign of being a wife/mother. What I learned was that the feelings of anger were a result of my being tired. I was able to arrange a 5-minute "me time" as soon as I got home that provided me with a 5-monute respite. The respite worked wonders to alleviate anger caused by stress.

A member of my family is forever angry. The least little thing upsets him. He swears and yells at anyone who does not perform to his demands. It got to the point where I avoided visiting other family members if I knew he would be there. I finally decided I had had enough. I told him that I was setting boundaries. If he wanted a relationship with me, he would have to cease yelling and swearing. He would have to be respectful. I stood my ground and he eventually changed the way he spoke to me.

When I worked in corporate America, I would snap at people who questioned my style of management; how or why I handled things the way I did. I interpreted their questions as "being challenged". I would get upset. I had a need to self-protect. I didn't want anyone to know that I was insecure and afraid of being wrong. I decided to change my approach. Instead of feeling "challenged", I began to ask for their input. This led to the realization that I did not have all the answers, which in turn, enabled me to let go of my insecurities.

These are just a few examples of how to deflect being angry. Think of ways you can turn your anger into learning opportunities. When you are in line at the grocery store and the line is slow, grab a magazine to take your mind off of being impatient. If you are rude to people, if you are a proponent of "road rage", it's time to take a look at why you are experiencing these feelings of anger. What has led up to the situation and what can you do to dissolve the explosive reactions?

We all struggle with ways of handling what life throws our way. Being angry signifies that something in your life needs to be addressed. If you choose to hide from anger and not do anything to correct it, then the anger will eventually control your life. If, however, you come to understand that anger is formed by fear, then you can develop the appropriate tools to diffuse the anger. Remember, anger isn't always a negative. Anger presents you with opportunities to learn different ways of handling situations.

Isn't it time you noticed when these feelings of anger are approaching? Take control of your life. Choose to be happy and stress free when facing challenging times. You'll be glad you did.

What's Love Got To Do With It?

Love. What a special feeling. Love provides a feeling of comfort. When you know that you are loved, you feel on top of the world. You feel invincible.

There are many types of love. There is love for family, friends, spouse, etc. We begin to experience love at an early age. We grow up appreciating the different types of love. For example, the love you have for family may be different than the love you have for a friend. We begin to understand that those we love and those that love us matter.

When we love we develop a blind faith and trust of those we hold dear to us. We are protective of those we love and we don't want to see our loved ones hurt.

Sometimes, during our "protective" mode, we may feel that our loved one is not making the best decisions in their life. When this happens, we begin to scrutinize and nit-pick their choices. We know what's best; we know what they need.

At times, we may feel the need to remind them of their past failures or mistakes. We forget that we made mistakes. We forget how we felt when someone offered us unsolicited advice or tried to resolve issues for us. We forget the feelings of helplessness. We forget that mistakes and failures teach us the lessons we require to grow. It's through trials and tribulations where we learn to recognize our errors and become secure in trying different options.

It's important that we show our loved ones that they matter to us. Why? What does love have to do with it? Love is the big differentiator. Knowing that no matter how you live your life, no matter what bad choices or decisions you make, you are loved unconditionally. Loving someone means not being judgmental. Loving someone means not having your way.

When we are loved we have a built in "safety net". When we fall, our loved ones are there to catch us by lifting us up with words of encouragement.

What's love got to do with it? Everything!! Enfold yourself in the love that is given to you and watch your heart thrive.  

Is Your Brain Being Spammed?

In our every day lives we face being spammed. Spamming can be described as receiving unsolicited email from unknown sources. There are now computer software programs that help to identify and reduce the amount of spam that is received.

Just as spam is received on our computer, our brain receives messages that can be considered as spam.  As far back as our childhood, the spam has been accumulating. When our brain is spammed, we receive and feed off of negative messages or false beliefs. These messages, received from parents, teachers, bosses, etc., can cause us to doubt our abilities, live in fear and at times make rash decisions. Each time we receive and accept spam into our brain, it's as if we tattooed or stained our brain with another covering of insecurity.

So, how do we get rid of the spam in our brain? What options do we have to move beyond past mistakes, disappointments, and pain that has built up inside of our brain? We have to look for ways that will help to restore how we perceive ourselves. Knocking down walls that keep us imprisoned and chained to the false beliefs is one of the first steps to consider. Transforming the negative thoughts into positive, encouraging beliefs can initially be challenging. It involves letting go of the spam and learning to trust in your abilities.

Picture if you will, living in a home with old tile or dilapidated carpeting. You decide it's time for an upgrade. To begin, you have to remove the old tile or carpeting, remove any padding, clean all the debris and dump the trash. Then, you have to lay down new padding and cover the floor with new carpet or lay down new tile.

This is what happens when you decide to remove the toxins and trash the spam in your brain. You clean up how you view your past hurts and you develop a better outlook. Your beliefs are transformed. The changes you make instill confidence.

Our brain needs the right type of "software" or encouragement to keep our brain "fresh". Our brain's "software" will identify and ultimately delete any negative spam as it appears.

Isn't it time you started to make changes to get rid of the spam in your brain? By doing so, you open your mind to new possibilities.

Being a Control Freak

After years of repetition, we develop our own way of thinking and our own style of doing things. Experience shows us through trial and error, what our comfort levels are when faced with doing different tasks or making decisions. What happens then, when you encounter situations that are handled differently than you expect? Do you freak out?

How you were raised can have an impact on how situations are handled. If you were raised being told "it's my way or else", you may have developed a need to control every outcome. You may have been taught that the only "right" way to getting something done is by doing it yourself.

Let's use washing clothes as an example. One can sort clothes into categories such as separating the whites from the colored clothes. You can separate linens from work clothes or maybe separate clothes that "bleed" from delicate items. What would your reaction be to seeing someone throw all clothes into the laundry without any type of separation? Would you become unglued and immediately start telling them all of the things they were doing wrong?

If you sense irritation bubbling up inside of you, you may be dealing with control issues. If your thoughts immediately go into comparison mode (how you do things versus how they do things), that is an indication that you may see doing things differently as being wrong.

If, however, you were raised with the attitude that there is more than one way to achieving the results you want, you will be more receptive to trusting another person's ways or ideas. Like the old saying, "there's more than one way to skin a cat". Someone else may have a better or quicker solution to resolving the situation.

In an effort to not be a control freak, you may want to consider the following:

• Is the issue worth you having your way?
• Will having your way destroy a friendship and if so, is it worth it?
• Do you have a need to take control and do everything yourself?
• Do you feel your way is the only way?
• Do your friends and family comment on your need to control things?
• Are you trying to control things even when you don't have a role in the situation? If it doesn't affect you, why are you involved?

If you answered yes to many of the questions above, you may want to reconsider how you handle different scenarios or situations. Maybe it's time to let go of things that you can't control. Letting go will reduce your stress levels. Let go by getting comfortable with allowing others input into the situation. This will provide encouragement to others. It will show them that you have faith in their abilities.

We all want to ensure that things are handled correctly. Eventually, you will learn when it's okay to give up control. You'll come to appreciate the different people styles, and you'll appreciate the calmer you.  

My Job Is Better Than Your Job

Have you ever compared your job to someone else's and felt that your job was lacking? Or maybe you wonder what it would be like to have a different career?

There are times in our lives where the job we hold no longer measures up. The job has become routine, and we long for newer or better opportunities. Although we toy with the idea of pursuing a new job, the reality of leaving our "safety net" can be rather scary and we're not really ready to rock the boat.

We hear from our friends and family how great their jobs are. We buy in to what they describe as their perfect job or career. We begin to focus on what is not going right with our job.We lay blame for our bitterness at the feet of others. If we weren't in debt, have a mortgage, etc., or we weren't concerned with the reaction of others, maybe we would entertain the idea of a different job or career.

Do you know what you are gifted at? What are your strengths? Knowing what you enjoy doing should be the starting point in determining your career. Don't base your decision on someone else's dreams. Their dreams may not be a match with your dreams. Your focus should be on living a life you enjoy.

If you are considering making a job change, make sure you have reviewed the pros and cons of your current job before you finalize your decision. Can your job become more rewarding with some "tweaking"? Are you limiting your self in any way? Finding new ways to do things can make a difference. You can diffuse internal strife by not making incorrect assessments.

You may determine that you have outgrown your job. Then what? Do you stay because you have a fear of starting over?  Do you allow this fear to overtake your choices? Fear will stifle your growth. Not making room for growth leads to regret. It is crucial to cease the continuous cycle of regretting our decisions and or choices.

Sometimes life presents us with a second chance. Whether it's time for a fresh start or not is something you must decide. No one else can determine the path you should take. It is amazing what can be accomplished by being open to learning new things. You have the ability to turn things around.  

If advice that you are being given is valuable, accept it and make the necessary changes. If you've been in a "don't rock the boat" mentality, thinking that it's easier just to leave things as they are, then, it's time to take charge of your life.

Don't buy in to the baIoney that "my job is better than your job". You will stop making comparisons once you determine the job or career that you are best suited for. Doing what you enjoy is what counts.  

We Are Woman

Women come in all shapes, sizes, nationalities, and backgrounds. We're raised differently. We have different educational backgrounds, different viewpoints, yet we are constantly grouped together for comparison. Society tells us how we should look, eat, dress and what type of career we should have in order to be successful.

There's a lot to being a woman. From T-shirts and sweat pants some of us migrate to skinny jeans. It's all about our choice of comfort clothes. Our comfort clothes could contribute to our having a relaxed demeanor. At times we can be modest, shy, nurturing, loving, complicated or we can "defend our turf" when the need arises. There are many words to describe women; we can't be placed in a one-word fits all category. Can you imagine how boring it would be if all women were the same? I like that we are all different. That means that we can learn much about and from each other.

We're not perfect daughters, siblings or wives so, we shouldn't be expected to act alike. We make mistakes. We have different skills and successes. God created us to be unique in our own way. We share our hurts and our happiness with those in our sisterhood. It's important that we lift each other up. We each have gone through trials and tribulations. We never know when or how the lessons that we learned can benefit others.  We can, however, use these lessons to motivate and encourage someone in our sisterhood.

We each have different ideas of success. Whether we choose to pursue corporate America, own our own business, be a caregiver or a stay at home mom, we can be successful. Do not define your success by comparing your self to someone else. The criteria may be different. What works for one person may not work for you. Being successful should make you happy, not stress you out. Being successful is doing what you enjoy doing and feeling good about what you are doing.

We can all be wonder women. However, in order to do that, we must understand that we are not in this alone. We need assistance from others. We have to know when to ask for help and when to provide help. When we offer guidance, it's not about forcing our thoughts and ideas on another. It's stepping back and helping them to determine what is best for them. Offering them your shoulder as a sounding board instead of making the decision for them will provide them with the encouragement that they can resolve their issues. I'm not suggesting that advice not be offered if requested. I'm suggesting that if they talk through their issues, it ultimately leads them to a decision.

Above all, as women don't belittle or curse other women. Be of good character. You don't have to be perfect to be a wonder woman. Just be you.

The Lies of My Heart

I can remember as a child having different feelings that would visit my heart. Good memories, represented by happiness, showed up quite frequently. I almost always knew when to expect these visits. I enjoyed the time I spent being happy. I would tuck those feelings away deep in my heart.

There would also be visits of sadness, judgments, shame, depression, anger etc. I never knew when to expect visits from these feelings. All I remember is how I felt after these visitors left. These visitors would whisper to me thoughts that took up space in my mind. Those whispers became known to me as lies of my heart.

The lies of my heart would visit whenever I began to doubt myself. As an example, I would hear the whispers of "you'll never get it" and "you can't do anything right". These lies would linger and take up residence. The lies became a permanent fixture. More and more, I believed the lies my visitors told me. The lies became a part of my persona.

I continued feeding off those lies, taking huge bites when I faced challenges and obstacles. I convinced myself that I couldn't handle "it"; that the lies were true. Every time I held on to those beliefs I began an internal battle that eventually became overwhelming.

I knew living this way had to stop. What could I do to cease the unwelcome visits and silence the whispers of negativity? These whispers were stealing my joy by twisting the truth. I no longer wanted to feel anger, sadness, shame, depression, or be judgmental.

I needed a belief system. I needed a power source that I could draw upon during times of stress and doubt. I had to determine how to free myself from the lies of my heart.

For me, this meant turning to my power source, Jesus Christ. I placed my faith and trust in Him. Now, when I hear a lie creeping into my heart telling me that "I am unworthy" or "I can't handle it", I recall the scripture, Phil 4:13, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me". This helps me to believe in myself; to claim victory over the battle of negativity. As visitors approach the doorway to my heart, they now encounter a do not enter sign. The lies are no longer welcome.

What is your power source? How do you turn the negativity around in your heart? Dispose of any lies by reminding yourself of and focusing on your good qualities. You can build your foundation from there. Eventually you will become good at ridding yourself of any lies or false beliefs. You'll be able to quench the thought before it spreads. Ultimately, you become free of the lies of your heart.

Is Your Life Under Construction?

My city is growing and there is a lot of construction going on. No matter which street I drive down I face some type of traffic backlog. Traffic is slow, the roads are congested, detour signs aren't always visible nor large enough for you to read. What a mess.

I often wonder how the construction planning sessions are coordinated. What type of growth and or changes were envisioned?

Throughout our lives we go through growth or re-construction. Some of the challenges we face take us down paths we weren't expecting. There were detours we had to take to prevent us from ending up in a sinkhole. Some of the disruptions were unplanned. Our everyday lives are jeopardized by these disruptions.

Our daily living can get re-routed into new experiences, some of which can be frightful. It's so much easier to coast through life when you know what to expect. However, when life throws you a curve, it knocks you off the well-beaten path. You are forced to take a look at why you may be feeling stuck. Have you made a poor decision or choice that is impeding your progress?  Do you know where you are headed?

There are so many roads that can lead us towards our destinations. We need to be prepared for detours. Detours are not necessarily negative. Oftentimes, detours will provide a shorter or better way of reaching specific points in our life. We just need to learn how to recognize which detours we should take.

While we are under construction, we need to repair any potholes or negativity in our life. Shifting gears or our mindset is one approach to tackling the bumpy roads we encounter. Acknowledging, accepting, and making the necessary changes will keep us on the right path. If we choose to remain on the road that is riddled with roadblocks, dead-ends or 1-way streets, we will remain under construction.

As the construction begins to clear, traffic once again is regulated back to normalcy. Life begins to flow smoothly again. We no longer have the stress of dealing with impatience, irritability, wrong judgments, etc. Re-construction issues are completed as we feed off the positive changes that were incorporated. Continuing to use the correct tools will keep us well maintained.

Be patient as you go through re-construction. As our life's construction job comes to an end, we see revealed to us smoother paths, less congestion and more favorable circumstances. Keep your tank (your mind) full and enjoy what lies ahead.

Weight Issues?

Have you ever been told that you needed to lose weight? Was your reaction "I know"? Maybe the comment caught you off guard because you felt there was nothing wrong with your weight. The subject of weight seems to be on the minds of many people. How does one determine if they are truly overweight? Looking in the mirror is a dead giveaway. So is wearing tight fitting clothes that up until recently were loose on you. But what happens when you exercise, feel good about yourself and are still told you need to drop a few pounds? What then?

There are reports that provide an "average" weight range based on height and age, however, are these reports valid? Doctors disagree on the average weight ranges and the correct application. If you have a 5' 3"; 5' 10" and a 4' 11" woman all in good health and all weighing 150 lbs, doctors may disagree on whether weight and/or diet is an issue.

Doctors throw the word "diet" around without really delving into the causes or what can be expected if weight issues aren't addressed. Shouldn't the main goal be that you are healthy?

I know of individuals who have made dieting their "idol". They go from one weight loss program to another. They try every fad diet, tea, milkshake, etc. They're obsessed with dieting. As a result, they ride a continual seesaw of weight gain/weight loss. Some of these individuals really don't even need to lose weight. Their fear of becoming overweight has such a tight grip on them that it can lead to health issues or obsessions.

So what happens if you do in fact have to lose weight? One of the first steps might be to acknowledge that there is an issue. The next step would be to decide what changes you are willing to make relating to food. These changes should be gradual. Get your doctors approval to make these changes (especially if there are any health issues).

Be honest with yourself. Are you willing to make a serious commitment? If so, your commitment should include reasons why you want to lose weight, a short and long term goal for weight loss, exercise and a timeline. There should also be an action plan. Including a support team (friend, family, etc.) will help keep you on track and accountable.

Keep a food journal. This is vey helpful in identifying specific times during the day when you may be the most hungry. Also, keeping a food journal helps identity unhealthy eating habits (or binges) such as emotional eating or eating while under stress. Understanding what type of eater you are begins the process of correcting any negative eating behaviors.

Do NOT look at this journey as being on a diet. Although you will be losing pounds, that should not be your main focus. You are making changes to become healthier. As you begin to replace unhealthy foods with healthy foods, you will notice that your energy level increases. Your clothes become looser and you notice positive changes in your health. Eating healthier has been known to lower cholesterol, blood pressure and reduce inflammation associated with arthritis.

Take time to acknowledge the positive changes in your body and your health. Celebrate your accomplishments. If for some reason, you lose focus and go off your plan, that's okay; just refocus and get back on course.

When you make the process about being healthy (not losing weight) you will find that it's easier to remain focused. Your body will react favorably and you will be much happier.

Women and Sisterhood

As little girls in our youth, we form many different types of friendships. We have acquaintances, friends, BF's BFF's. As we become women, we move into the ultimate friendship known as sisterhood. Sisterhood can be defined as the solidarity of women based on shared conditions, experiences, or concerns; a sisterly relationship.

As we mature, our friendships move from friends to best friends to sisterhood, which is the cream of the crop. Best friends can be replaced, we can lose contact or we can close the door to the relationship altogether. Sisterhood is forever. It's more than the youthful BFF. As we become women our criteria for friendships change. Although we still tend to categorize some of our friendships, sisterhood is reserved for those we respect; those that are on the same playing field as our self. Sisterhood requires the utmost trust, dedication, love and confidence in another person. Developing a sisterhood takes time to nurture and grow. Unfortunately, at times, we can lose sight of what sisterhood is all about.

How does one enter into sisterhood with another? First, you have to define and understand what sisterhood means. You want to ensure that as you enter into sisterhood, all parties involved hold the same understanding and commitment. You want to ensure that you do not harbor any unresolved issues in your heart. If you engage in name-calling, cattiness and gossip, you must ask yourself if you are really interested in having a sisterhood relationship. Rid yourself of any judgmental attitudes. It's easier to focus on someone else's negativity than to admit to your own. Let go of any competition you may feel. Stop any comparisons you make between your self and others. You can't have a meaningful sisterhood while dealing with limitations or insecurities.

Women who enter sisterhood, make no comparisons with others; there are no jealousies or covetousness. Women who are confident are truly happy for those in their sisterhood and their successes. You laugh with them and cry with them. You encourage them.

Having a sisterhood means there is respect between the "sisters". The bond is as sacred as that of a respected bond with a family member.

How do you define your friendships with women? Do you have a sisterhood or are you still in the production mode? Embrace sisterhood by being the ultimate friend. Be a good woman. Honor your word and commitments. That's the only way to having a true sisterhood.

Me, Myself and I

I saw a picture of a personalized license plate that read, MeFirst. I wondered what prompted the individual to want to display that message for all to see. Was it done as a joke? Is that what the individual really thinks?

Seeing the license plate made me think about the word entitlement. One of the definitions of entitlement is a belief that one is deserving of or entitled to certain privileges. There's a big difference in earning or working to obtain things versus expecting to be rewarded or given things "just because". Having a sense of entitlement goes beyond feeling good about yourself and your accomplishments. I'm not really sure how a sense of entitlement became the norm for so many people.

Too often, we see people who feel that money can buy them "positions" in life & maybe provide a false sense of being better than the average person. At times, there may be a perception that rules don't apply to them. As an example, some people have no problem parking in a handicap parking spot without the use of a placard.

How does one become "entitled"? One example is that of parents who are too busy to spend time with their children. Instead, the parents choose to buy their children every new toy or technology gadget that is out there. The expectation is that buying these things will allow the parents to continue with their workaholic tendencies. Another example is that of a parent who never had things when they were little so their tendency is to overcompensate. There are those who "buy" the love of their friends, family, etc. There are also those who just feel that they deserve everything.    

When your focus or attitude is "it's all about me, myself and I, what type of person are you? I wonder if there is any room for kindness, grace, humility or camaraderie. If the focus is all about you, there is no time to learn new things, enjoy true friendship, or even know what it's like to make someone else happy. Having a sense of entitlement deprives you of so many things. You don't know what it's like to accomplish something on your own. There is no sense of what is good about your self. You're uncomfortable when the attention is not on you. You expect that when things don't go your way, someone will always rescue you or bail you out of a bad situation.

I don't envy those living a life of entitlement. I see it as a lonely life filled with bitterness and jealousy. No matter who you may be with, you're still alone. Sooner or later you realize that life is more than material things. Material things get old, rusty and break down. They get easily replaced. Today is a good day to change your outlook. Life is so much better when you have good people in your life. Make the decision to focus on others. Find out what their interests are. See how you can be a better friend or person. You will find that people will be receptive to the change and your life will be more content.

Your "In-look" Determines Your "Outlook"

Every day we face difficulties and challenges. Some can be very daunting while others just flow off of us. How we perceive these challenges and/or difficulties can make all the difference in the world. It can determine whether we have a positive or negative attitude. Throughout life we either in-look or we outlook.

Our in-look is how we internalize things. What is our DNA made of? Is there bitterness, envy or jealousy? Are we obnoxious or confrontational? Our in-look DNA is comprised of beliefs that were formed at an early age. If you were raised with positive traits such as encouragement, confidence, and kindness, you probably have a good in-look. If, however, you were raised with no self worth, no encouragement or you were mistreated, then your in-look may be far from positive.

Our outlook is how we perceive things. We will make judgments based on our perceptions. When things go wrong in our lives, we tend to lay blame wherever we can. Instead of dealing with whatever turmoil is going on inside of us, we find it easier to place blame on outside factions. For example, if we didn't get a promotion we wanted, we convince ourselves that it was someone else's fault that we missed out on the opportunity.

In-looking is not always easy. In-looking involves acknowledging both positive and negative traits. In-looking may require correcting issues that can be hurtful and painful. We have to acknowledge our flaws. What things are you doing continuously that causes you to complain about yourself? What emotions are ruling your mind, thoughts and actions? In-looking may require reprogramming our beliefs and our thoughts.

We want our in-look thoughts to have strong influences on our outlook and our life. So, how does one go about accomplishing this? We have to determine what needs changing and whether we want to make any changes. Then we need to develop a plan to initiate these changes into our daily routine. There may be times that we revert back to our previous beliefs and negative thoughts. That's ok. Don't give up. Keep moving forward.

It's time to stop our in-look perceptions from being governed by our outlook or circumstances. We all have our blind spots. You have to understand yourself from the inside out. When you stop nurturing the negativity they get weaker until ultimately they disappear. This process will take discipline, however, it is doable. Remember, your "in-look" determines your "outlook. It's up to you to ensure that you have the right way of "looking" at things.

Must You Argue About Everything?

Have you ever dealt with an individual that argued with you no matter what was discussed? They can be opinionated, they may not find any value to your viewpoints and they may make judgments or conclusions with or without facts.

I often wonder what is going on inside of the individual that fills them with the need to always share their perspective, right or wrong. What is causing them to dominate or control the conversation? A few possibilities that come to mind are doubt, insecurity and pride.

When people are insecure there is a tendency to hide behind a "mask". We become vulnerable. We don't want to expose our flaws to others. Although we all have imperfections, we are afraid to allow others to see the real person. There may be feelings of inadequacies.

Doubt is when you are uncertain or lack confidence. You want to impress people or show others how smart you are. We have self-expectations. When these expectations aren't met we are disappointed, doubt sets in and our confidence plummets.

Pride is another area that leads to being argumentative. One can become prideful when feeling powerless, disrespected, or feeling ignored. When we are in a prideful moment, we want to defend our position. In a self-effort to prove that we measure up, our contributions to the discussion may take on a combative or argumentative role.

What does being argumentative accomplish? Absolutely nothing. It's like being stuck in traffic with your car overheating. You can't move. You see a warning light in your car indicting that there is some kind of trouble. Unfortunately, you don't see a way out. You can't move forward until traffic opens up and you are able to get your car to the side of the road. Arguing and or trying to be right all of the time is like being stuck in traffic. Until you are able to determine why you are being argumentative, you won't be able to correct the situation.

Expecting to see a behavior change overnight is unrealistic. It will take time to release oneself from the bondage that arguing has you shackled to. You 're not fooling anyone. Our emotions give us away. Stop hiding behind any anger and hurt. Be willing to correct any handicaps. Until you change the behavior, your true self will continue to emerge.

Another option is to understand that change for this individual can be slow. Depending on the situation, we've all had illogical rants (i.e. a parent defending their child) that have taken us from 0 to 60 in no time flat. The concern is when going from 0 to 60 becomes the norm. 

So, what should one do when conversing with an argumentative person? The easiest answer is to avoid them or excuse your self from the conversation as soon as possible. That, of course, is easier said than done (as the arguer could be a friend, family member or even a boss). You can try to determine what is behind the behavior. Are they having a bad day? Are they feeling ill? Or is this a standard way of communication?

The words you speak and how you speak them matter. There is a big difference between sharing your opinion versus being argumentative. The main difference is that people will close their ears to argumentative individuals. Everyone wants to know that they are heard and are being listened to. If you are too busy arguing, you can never "hear" what others think and or contribute.

Your viewpoint is not the only one that matters. Be receptive to hearing the ideas of others, learning new things, or trying different ways to communicate. When there is a free-flow exchange in the dialogue you will find that people are more inclined to listen to your viewpoint. Isn't that ultimately what you want?

Living a Difficult Life

Ever wonder why life can be difficult? Life can be difficult based on people, places and things in our life. Life can also be difficult based on what is going on inside of us.

Life provides many trials and tribulations that can lead to stress and strife. How we handle the stress and strife will determine the path our lives take. What is your approach in handling challenges that come your way?

Everyday we are provided with an opportunity to determine how our day is going to progress. If you begin your day focusing on what's not going right, thinking about the amount of work waiting for you at your job or maybe your mad at someone and you wake up planning your revenge, these thoughts will lead you down the path of a having a bad day. It can cause you to start your day with a negative attitude. If, however, you wake up being thankful for and believing that it's going to be a great day and you are grateful for what the day will bring, then your focus is on the positives.

I know of a situation where instead of the mail being placed in a residents mail slot, the interim postman places the mail in the newspaper box. The interim postman knows where the mail slot is located. Not walking up the stairs and placing the mail in the appropriate container (after being shown where the mailbox is located), could be seen as rebellious. The resident has complained to the post office several times, however, this continues to occur every time the regular postman is off or on vacation. Each time this happens the resident gets angry. I suggested that a note be placed next to the newspaper bin requesting that no mail be deposited there. The resident is not willing to do this. I agree that the mail should be placed in its proper location, however, is an issue like this worth having your day affected? No. Why allow small irritants to turn in to bigger issues?

One step that can be taken to move away from having a difficult life is to determine why you have to have the last word, why you feel you have to defend your position and/or why you may be more concerned in making your point. Don't misunderstand. There are times when we need to take a stand, however, if all you care about is being right, then, you'll never be happy.

Another step that you can take is to ensure that you have all the facts before you make a decision or a judgment. Misunderstanding a situation can definitely cause stress. None of us like to be judged unjustly. You owe it to yourself to get the facts right in order to alleviate any conflict.

Take a look at any internal stress you may be experiencing. What is causing the conflict? What portion of the stress, if any, are you responsible for? When suffering with internal issues, we tend to engage in conflict with the words "you better", "you never" or "you always". Although this verbiage may have been learned at an early age we can find a different, more positive approach rather than having our words perceived as an accusation, a lack of faith in another persons abilities or even as a personal attack. Changing how we say things and even the tone in our voice makes a difference.

You can diffuse internal strife by choosing to not place undue stress in your life. We don't have to have an opinion about everything. We can choose to walk away from controversies. Focus on the positives in your life. Acknowledge that living with peace in your heart is a much better approach than living a difficult life. You'll be glad you did.    

Feeling Stuck?

Have you ever felt stuck in a rut with no way out? Maybe you've done or said things you wish you hadn't. Maybe you have feelings of unworthiness. Or, maybe your mind is on overload and you just can't think anymore.

We've all been there. We get stuck in our thoughts and our ways and can't seem to find our way out of situations that we may have created. We just can't seem to overcome our challenges. We question how to rid ourselves from the toxicity in our lives. Our critical nature takes over and we place blame wherever we can. We don't want to own up to our role.

How do we move from sinking in sand to solid ground? First, we have to be honest with ourselves. We have to identify what is causing us to feel stuck. Some of the culprits could be financial, anger, indecision, doubt, self-pity, shame, hurt, complaining or unforgiveness. As we look at ourselves internally, we may see mirrored back to us negative thoughts we have of ourselves that are supported by childhood beliefs. Negative childhood beliefs are unfounded, wrong opinions that were imposed on us by people we viewed in authority. These labels contributed to our being 'stuck'.

Next, acknowledge that when you feel stuck, you are being given an opportunity to prune yourself. Take the time to crop, pare down or trim away anything that is keeping you mired down.

Doubt is a part of feeling stuck. If you are you plagued with doubt, this could signify that you are uncertain as to your capabilities. Don't allow the doubt to settle in your mind as it could keep you in "defeat" mode. Be receptive to change and see what opportunities are presented.

Finally, when facing change, you must take steps to unclog your mind. Change is not easy. You may hit several roadblocks. You may think it's not worth it. Don't give up. What matters is how you handle or accept change. Focus your mind on how you will benefit. Envision what it will be like to be free of limitations. Your efforts will not be in vain.

Take This Job and .....

Every now and then our job or career can feel a little stagnant. It can become mundane, void of any challenges or excitement. We wonder what happened. Maybe the job has been routine all along and we just chose to ignore our unhappiness. We get frustrated. We start to think there has got to be something better.

With all the competition for jobs, many individuals find themselves accepting a position they may never have considered. Along with that is the realization that the salary you were pursuing may have to be reevaluated. Many individuals have accepted lower paying jobs as either a stepping stone towards a specific career or as a result of the lack of jobs available in their specific job market.

So what happens when you are at a job that you dislike? If quitting is not an option, how do you get yourself back into a positive frame of mind? One of the things you can do is window shop. By window shopping you can enter the "store of life" in your mind. You can walk up and down the many aisles and see what is available. Travel, college, entrepreneurship (along with other options) are displayed for your benefit. Although you are just looking, window shopping can offer you options that you may have never considered. Window shopping can also assist in identifying jobs that aren't the right fit. You don't have to go down that aisle if you don't see what you need.

When pursuing a job or career, recalling what you enjoyed doing as a child is a great first step. Anything that you enjoyed doing over and over and carried over into your teens/adulthood can be revealing as to what you are passionate about. The point is that you consider a job doing what you enjoy.  
  
If, however, you have to work at a job that you are not passionate about you want to have a plan as to how you can migrate to a job of your choice. You don't want to be in a "Take this job and shove it" mode. Choose to get rid of any thoughts that will keep you stuck in any negativity. You want to plan accordingly so that you are prepared when it's time to make the next move.

What are you willing to do to remain happy? Make a list of what you like about your job and what you would like to change. Make the changes that are in your control. Make a list of what displeases you. Is there any "tweaking" on your part that is required? Do you need to adjust your performance so that things will be better?

Consider also, that there may not be anything you need to correct. You may have just outgrown your job. It just might be time for a change. Do you really want to stay in a job because you're afraid to start over or because you don't want to learn anything new?

Remember, life treats us how we expect to be treated. There comes a time in our life that we have to search our soul and come to terms with our role in the outcome of our life. It's up to us to pursue happiness. Will you remain at a job you're not passionate about or will you pursue happiness?

Addicted To Needing Approval

Everyone has a desire to be acknowledged, approved and respected. We want to please people. Often times, people-pleasing leads us down a path of needing the approval of others. Why is having someone else's approval so important? Why are we so addictive to the value given to us by others?

Addiction can be described as a dependency or a habit. Addiction is a behavior pattern acquired by frequent repetition. If you are unable to live your life without the blessing from others, you may want to consider why their approval is so important to you. Doing what others want you to do may not be right for you. Are you going against your beliefs because you want to be liked or so you can fit in? What will that accomplish?

Take an honest look at your life. Where did the people-pleasing attitude originate? In your desire to people-please do you overextend yourself by saying yes to all requests for assistance? This behavior could lead to stress, anger, sickness and or burnout. Securing the approval of others is not worth carrying anger inside of you allowing the anger to build. It's not worth being miserable. I can recall a time when I craved the approval of others. Although I displayed confidence on the outside, inside my feelings of inadequacies continued to mock me. I would complain in silence. Deep down inside, I knew that ultimately I had the power of saying no. I had to own my decisions.

We also need to check our reactions when we don't gain the approval we seek from others. We should not feel sad, unappreciated or hurt. We should not feel that we failed. Put things in perspective. Don't go against your own convictions. There will always be someone who doesn't like, support, or agree with the things you do.

What options do you have of breaking the approval hold? Consider the following:
* Say no. Know and respect your limits. Review what you have on your plate and determine whether there is room to take on anything else. If there's no space, decline graciously.
* Believe in the choices and decisions you make.
* Trust your self.
* Let go of any fear that others will reject you or won't like you. If anything, you will gain their respect.
* Don't allow your emotions to override or cloud what you know is right.
* Do not feel guilty!!!

Above all, don't allow your self to be used or controlled by others. There are some individuals that will jump at the chance to manipulate a situation to their benefit. When you sense that others motives are not to your benefit, hit it head on.

Being addicted to needing approval is something that can be corrected. Find your power source (mine is the Lord) and plug in. Recharge yourself. Fill up with confidence. When you are fully charged, you will find that the need for approval has either dwindled or is gone completely.

The Great Pretender

I remember playing dress up as a child. It was always fun to pretend being someone that I wasn't. I could be whoever I wanted to be. I could be rich or poor, a movie star, a world traveller. Unfortunately, the time would come when playtime would come to an end. I would have to take off the disguise and get back to being me.

Life is like playing dress up. In an effort to not exposing how we truly feel, there's a tendency to hide behind masks. We don't want others to know that we aren't perfect, that we may have a few flaws. Our worlds may be crumbling down around us yet we are more concerned with what people will think. We hide the fact that we may be going through turmoil, that our life may be chaotic. It's more important that we portray confidence and that we have it all together.

Who are we kidding? Why do we hide who we really are? Fear of not being accepted is one reason. Being judged is another. We learned to pretend at an early age, to keep our "guard" up. We are careful in deciding who is allowed to get close to us. We tell ourselves that pretending is easier than being vulnerable.

Pretending provides us with a false coat of armor that we think will protect us. We could be dealing with a stressful situation, however, if someone asks how we are doing we respond with a robotic "fine" instead of sharing our burden. We don't trust that anyone could be going through a similar situation and that this person may be able to help with our situation.  

For some, pretending becomes the reality. We've played dress up for so long that we are surprised when our masks begin to unravel and people see us for who we truly are. We come face to face with the reality that we have been kidding ourselves.

When we reach that point, we have to come clean with ourselves. No matter what past hurts, wounds, rejections and or fears we live with day to day we have to be honest with ourselves. We have to learn to trust that our friends, family, peers, etc., will like us for who we really are. We are just like they are. When we let our guard down and allow others to see us as we are, there is a sense of acceptance. There's knowledge that flawed or not we're okay. We can help each other mend.

So, stop pretending to be someone that you're not. There's no payoff in pretending. Although playing dress up can be fun, being your self is the only way to move forward with being authentic. Being authentic enables you to clearly see what is causing any misery, thus being able to deal with the issue(s) and find a resolution.  

It's time to stop playing dress up. Do you want to live the life of the great pretender or do you want to get rid of your masks and live a truthful life?    

My Job Isn't Who I Am

Have you ever had someone look down their nose at you because of the type of job you hold? Whether you are a maid, stockbroker, stay at home mom or a lawyer your job does not define who you are. People don't have the right to judge your job or career decisions. No one knows by which criteria you selected your means of an income. We don't owe anyone an explanation or justification of why we do what we do in relationship to earning an income.

There are people employed at a job just for the paycheck. Maybe this job is a stepping stone for a short time period. Maybe the job meets their current needs. Or maybe, they are afraid to venture out and find a job doing that they truly enjoy.

Then there are those individuals who love their job even though the salary is just average. For some people, the idea of having a lower salaried job is less stressful. Or maybe the salary is not the focus. Maybe it's the fact that they enjoy what they are doing.

The career or job you may have chosen does not dictate who you are. I can recall when being a stay at home mom carried no value. Even though you coordinated, scheduled and attended meetings; did time management and accounting (to name a few skills), the fact that these skills were done in a home environment were scoffed at when trying to re-enter the work force. I'm glad that that viewpoint is no longer supported.

There are doctors who thrive at their work because they love what they do. There are also maids and janitors who feel the same about their profession. The main thing is that whatever job or career you are in, that you do it to the best of your ability. If you're at a job that is not fulfilling to you, then as soon as you are able, find a job or career that you are passionate about and make a transition. Your job isn't who you are. You owe it to yourself to be happy at what you do.    

The "Not Good Enough" Girl

I can recall as a child hearing messages over and over that provided a "not good enough" label. You're not good enough to sing in the choir and you're not good enough to play sports, were just a few of the negative beliefs that were ingrained in the learning center of my mind. What are negative beliefs? A negative belief is an untrue belief that keeps you stuck. Negative beliefs diminish the confidence in your abilities. Negative beliefs can impose shame on an individuals perception of them self.

These labels formed my belief system. My belief system provided my foundation. Anything I attempted and failed at was directly related to my belief that I was not good enough; that I didn't deserve it. I held on to those beliefs. Those beliefs were my reality. They carried me into my teens and early adulthood. I had adopted the philosophy of friends, parents, peers, etc., that promoted the "not good enough" descriptor.

Feelings and thoughts of not being good enough were woven into my decision making process. Every time I failed it confirmed that my false beliefs were correct. The reality that I had conceded, rolled over and accepted these limiting beliefs stopped me cold. I realized that these limiting, negative beliefs were imprisoning me. I knew that it was time for a change. I had to be honest with myself. I had to change how I saw myself.

Changing ones perception of ones self is not always easy. Think of your mind as a closet. In your mind's closet, you have accumulated many thoughts, ideas and beliefs (clothes). As you outgrow your clothes, you have to clean out what you no longer need. You have to rid yourself of what no longer fits. The same is true for negative, false beliefs. Don't hold on to a belief that doesn't show you in good form. Clothe yourself with new truths, new beliefs. As you get an urge to get back in to your comfortable clothes, ask your self why? What is happening that is causing you to doubt? What is taking you back to those "not good enough" days? What role are you playing? Are the choices you are making based on your old beliefs?

When you are in a "not good enough" mode, you may be seeking approval from others. Get that thought out of your mind. You do not need their approval. Other people do NOT define you. As long as you do your best you are good enough.

I challenge you to see the value in yourself. Adopt the scripture "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" Philippians 4:13 NKJV. Be all that you can be. The more you focus on what is good in your life, the more you will regain confidence. Having confidence will lead you to shedding that unwanted, unwarranted negative "not good enough" belief.

Living Just Enough

Have you ever felt as though there is something missing in your life? Upon completing our education, we set out on a journey. We know the type of job or career we want to pursue. We develop a timeline that will keep us on track in order to reach our final destination.

Then life hits us with a dose of reality. Maybe there were things we overlooked. We begin to question what we expected out of life. We get restless and at times get defeated. We just want to do enough to get by. We didn't know that there would be so many bumps in the road; that we would get off track. New ideas, new approaches to our current situations, and doubting our doubts can play a role into why we feel we are living just enough.

As we stumble and fumble with our choices and decisions there is a tendency to get off course. We can lose our sense of direction. The vision we have for our destination gets cloudy. As our plans go awry, we question whether to should switch gears, maybe find a new destination.

The struggles we encounter may be frustrating, however, there are many life lessons that can be learned. If we mess up, it's okay. Opportunities will present itself that will enable you to make changes. Living just enough is when you don't take any action. It's when you choose to wallow in self-pity. It's when you would rather complain about all the things that are holding you back instead of seeing where the new direction will take you.

Life will always have it's ups and downs. When you begin to feel doubt take a look at what is happening in your life. Is there something that needs to be addressed? Is there a different path that you should take? Doubts are just another way of letting us know that there may be more that we need to explore.

Your experiences will shape you into knowing who you are. As a result, it will guide you from where you are to where you need to be. So, which path will you take? Will you pursue a great life or will you settle for living just enough?