No More Stinkin' Thinkin'

Every day so many thoughts enter our mind. We think about our past, present and our future. We think about good times as well as bad. We think about our problems and our accomplishments. We have all kinds of thoughts; thoughts that can be positive and or toxic. What kind of thoughts do you carry around in your mind?

There is no value in thinking unkind thoughts of our self or of others. Just because someone may have told you that you were worthless or stupid does not mean that you have to support the labels. These labels manifest in to and from false beliefs. False beliefs lead to stinkin' thinkin'. Stinkin' thinkin' can put limits on how we see ourselves and how we view others.

Stinkin' thinkin' can be a fatal attraction. It can draw us toward like-minded people whose focus is to remain in negativity. They don't want to change. They enjoy the role of 'poor me'. They thrive off the negative judgements they make of others with no concern of any harm that they may have caused.

So, where does stinkin' thinkin' come from? The foundation of how we view ourselves is formed during childhood. You may have been praised for being smart, creative and kind, etc. Maybe you can recall occasions of being told negative things about yourself (i.e. you're lazy or you'll never be successful). At times, we choose to believe unflattering things about ourselves in an effort to justify why bad things happen to us. We choose to hold on to thoughts that can be detrimental and cause us strife.

In order to move away from stinkin' thinkin', you have to rewire your mind to change your thoughts. Rewiring your mind may be a challenge initially. Don't get defeated. If your thoughts don't suit you positively, change them. Cleanse your mind of the false, limiting beliefs. Holding on to negative thoughts is toxic and will keep you stuck in old thought patterns. These patterns, however, can be broken with praise and a different attitude.

When you receive praise your spirits are lifted. Your self-esteem rises. You feel better about yourself, which leads to a better attitude. A better attitude gives you the support needed to encourage yourself should you happen to take a step backwards.

You have the power to determine how your thought patterns play out in your mind. Negative thoughts will breed a negative mind or stinkin' thinking'. Instead, choose to think positively. Remember, the happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts.

Controlling My "Momma's Mouth"

We've all heard the saying "if momma ain't happy, no one is happy". I started thinking about those words and what they really meant. I've come to realize that a mom carries a lot of weight in the family dynamics. Mom's have the ability to influence their family and the family's moods. As mom's, we have the wisdom and discernment to know when things aren't quite right in our household. Our internal "radar" is activated when something is going on with our spouse or our kids (i.e., they're having a rough day). We get into our fix-it mode.

Our attitude or approach to handling things can affect our households. What we say and how we react to different situations can cause havoc. The words we speak carry a lot of power. We can praise, maim or destroy with our words.

I can recall a situation where I asked one of my children to iron a shirt for me. I have my own process of how to iron a shirt. In order, I iron the collar first, then the back panel, left side, middle, right side and the sleeves are ironed last. This process has always worked for me. It's how I was taught. So, when my child's way of ironing my shirt was different than my way, I got upset. I criticized their method with my "momma's mouth". I wanted my shirt ironed the right way, my way. I laugh at this memory now. When your shirts need ironing it doesn't matter what portion gets ironed first. The goal is to have a wrinkle free shirt.

My "momma's mouth" could be very critical. It was my way of providing correction to any situation that didn't support my way of doing things. Eventually, I learned that I used my "momma's mouth" as a control mechanism. Whether my correction was done with a sweet or critical voice, my goal was to manipulate the results in my favor. I was a Class A control freak.

To me, having a "momma's mouth" is descriptive of someone who always has to have things done their way. There is no allowance for creativity. Anyone can have a "momma's mouth (parents, siblings, friends, teachers, bosses, etc.). Having a "momma's mouth" can get in the way when dealing with people. After all, if your belief is that your way is the only right way, you can't be receptive to hearing other ideas, learning new things or trying different approaches.

Do you have a "momma's mouth"? If so, consider using praise. Commend others for being an individual; for finding new ways to accomplish the same task. By focusing on being positive, you give yourself a means of curing your "momma's mouth" resulting in no longer needing to correct or control. So, go ahead, free yourself from "momma's mouth" syndrome. Your family will appreciate it and you'll be much happier.

Dealing With Mental Constipation

Have you ever had one of those days where your mind is blocked and you just can't think any more? Your mind is on overload. You have so much going on that no other information can get through. You develop mental constipation wondering how you come up with some of the things you think, say and do.

What is causing the blockage? Are you carrying around or suppressing toxic thoughts and or making toxic choices? Toxic is defined as something being extremely harsh, malicious, or harmful. When you have toxicity in your life it could cause adverse effects (i.e. stress, headaches). How you handle this toxicity will determine whether you can unload some of the pressure being placed on your mind. Decisions will have to be made as to whether you want to detox your mind to eliminate any thoughts and or feelings that may be causing the blockage. Some of the culprits could be anger, unforgiveness, doubt, self-pity, complaining, shame, hurt, holding onto false beliefs, etc.

Are you ready to cleanse yourself of anything that is causing you to be or feel 'stuck'? Then it's time for a detox. In order to detox the mind, you have to identify what the issues are, and where they stem from. Are you willing to take a look at the makeup of your life? You may have to sort, sift through, and revisit many difficult situations. You may have said or done things you wish you could take back. You may carry negative thoughts of yourself based on childhood beliefs. If you are willing to be honest and  purge any negative thoughts and emotions, you can begin to heal your mind. You can lay the groundwork for having an unobstructed mind by developing a plan that will help you identify when you are reverting back to old behaviors. This will allow you to understand and take corrective steps immediately.

Dealing with mental constipation may seem very challenging. Think of it as getting rid of the clutter in your mind. It's time to free yourself. Once you start the process you'll make way for the new thoughts and emotions that are coming your way. How cool is that?

Having Wrong Opinions Are Like Wearing Falsies

Falsies. Falsies are an artificial addition worn to enhance one's appearance.

Have you ever been exposed to someone trying to be something they're not? They try their best to hide their true personality. They are uncomfortable being themselves. Their belief is that they have to act a certain way in order to feel accepted. It's as though they are wearing falsies to lift themselves up. They walk around with what they perceive to be droopy lives based on the perceptions of others. They believe the labels others have placed on them. These labels can prevent your growth; prevent you from becoming who you were meant to be. 

We have a tendency to place more value on what others think of us. We want to be liked, respected and accepted. We doubt ourselves. We question the gifts we were born with when instead we should believe in those gifts.  

Life treats us how we expect to be treated. The way we internalize information about ourselves will determine how we display ourselves. Have the falsies or negative perceptions you are wearing become burdens? If your false belief is that you have no value, you will portray that persona. If you've allowed yourself to feel guilty about past negative behaviors then maybe, it's time for an adjustment. After all, what is the purpose of feeling guilty? Guilt gets you nowhere. It weighs you down and causes confusion. Why wear falsies when you can live a life that fits?

There comes a time in our life when we have to search our soul and come to terms with our role in the outcome of our life. We have the ability and power to make corrections. It's up to us whether we choose to live a flawed life based on incorrect perceptions. Forget what lies behind and strain forward to what lies ahead (Phil 3: 13). 

Don't waste any energy trying to change anther's perception of you. The labels others have of you should not be your priority. Identify and make any changes that will impact how you feel about yourself. Focus on the good qualities that you have deposited in your life. Let go of the need to please. Get your thoughts back in the right direction. Once you become comfortable with your "fit", the need for falsies will disappear and the hold the falsies have on your life will loosen. Having belief in yourself will support the changes you begin to see.

I read that Walt Disney was told that he wasn't creative & that he had no imagination. He went on to create and build Disneyland. So, don't buy into wrong opinions. Life is better when you focus on the positives.

Doubting Your Doubts

As we grow up, we envision what our future holds. Plans are made that guide us in the direction of the life we want to live. Sometimes, the best laid plans can take unexpected detours. These detours can lead us to new routes, shortcuts, or even dead ends. How we maneuver through these detours or "rough spots" will determine where we end up.

For example, suppose you have a desire to specialize in education, of becoming an elementary school teacher. Upon earning teaching credentials, you find that teaching jobs are scarce. Doubt creeps in. Maybe you experience frustration as to whether teaching is the right career choice. You begin to doubt your choices or you doubt your doubts.

Don't allow your doubts to limit or stop you. If your passion is to teach, what other ways can you accomplish your dreams? You may not have a teaching opportunity, however, you can become a speaker, training individuals in a specific field. You can coach a sports team. You can teach arts and crafts.

Another example would be in searching for a new job. You may be feeling stagnant with your current employer and are thinking about pursuing other options. During this search process, you may come across another job that piques your interest. You question whether to remain in your "comfort" career or do you allow yourself to be lured away by trying something new?

Doubting your doubts is one way of looking at different situations and or possibilities. Having doubts could signify that you are ready for a change. Doubts can also serve as a warning or indicator that the choice you are about to make is not the right decision.

You never know when life will throw you for a loop. Be open to different avenues. A new beginning could be starting in your life. So, when you start to doubt your doubts, let go and see what other opportunities my come your way.

Don't Pity The Fool Who Has No Clue

Do you have or know people in your life whose sole purpose it is to find fault with everything that comes their way? Their life is full of complaint after complaint after complaint. Nothing ever goes right for them. How frustrating it is to listen to someone who enjoys playing the victim? There is no culpability on their part. There's a sense of entitlement giving them the perception that they are "owed" certain privileges. They expect that their negative behavior is to be tolerated.

Complainers will attempt to manipulate, seek revenge and or try to punish those they feel have done them wrong. It doesn't bother them to ruin a reputation or provide incorrect information to prove their case.

If you attempt to correct them, they focus on tearing down your perception(s) by explaining the error of your judgment(s). These individuals look for other like minded individuals that they can bond with. They tend to compare their mistreatments with each other always careful to direct the blame away from themselves. Can you imagine eavesdropping on their conversations as they each try to one up each other?

I can't imagine the daily grueling routine one exposes themselves to in order to be a constant complainer. How much effort does it take to choose to be happy instead of deciding to spread negativity?

Complainers choose their environment. Stop acting clueless as though you have no idea how stressful your constant complaining affects others. Deciding to remain in this type of lifestyle is foolish. If the desire to make positive changes is lacking, then stop complaining. Don't spread your game of manipulation, revenge and punishment. Don't expect those of us that enjoy positive livelihoods to pity you. Admit you're flawed. Become a better person by being accountable. That's the only way to move away from the craziness of a complainer's life.

Throw Me A Rope (I'm Drowning Here)

Have you ever had one of those days where nothing was going right and you felt as though you were sinking in quicksand? Each step taken is heavy, as though weighted down. You just can't seem to overcome your challenges. Your heart is heavy with dread at the thought of having to face another fear or challenge. You say to yourself, that there must be something better around the corner.

You're already beating yourself up. Then, here comes your well-meaning "friends or family" ready to tell you what you did wrong. We already know that we messed up. Do we really need someone else's input? It get's so tiresome listening to what people think you should be, say and or do. People always seem to think that they know more than you. Have they been in your shoes?

Don't get me wrong. At times we're offered solid advice. However, more often than not, the advice from "friends and family" impacts us as though we're being kicked when we're down. Instead of telling us what we've done wrong help us focus on what's been done right.

So, how does one move from sinking in sand to solid ground? Soul-searching, being completely honest with yourself, acknowledging the behaviors, beliefs or attitudes and having a willingness to make changes are all critical steps one must take.

We all have individuals that we trust. There is no doubt that these individuals make good sounding boards and have our best interests at heart. When you've completed your assessment of the situation, there may be times that you want a second opinion. It's okay to ask for assistance from someone you trust. However, be clear with why you're asking for help. Are you just looking for someone to agree with you? The feedback provided should be encouraging, offer insight and options for a way out of your situation.

So, be willing to accept the "rope" that's being extended when the situation warrants it. If, however, you choose not to heed the advice from someone you trust eventually you will find the rope withdrawn and you may find that you will continue to drown in the mire of your challenging situations.

Don't Tell Me What I Can't Do...

Have you ever felt uncertainty as to your capabilities? Maybe you've had people tell you that you would never accomplish or amount to anything. From the time we are young and into adulthood, we receive negative comments that chip away at our belief foundation. These negative comments can tear down walls that support our inner faith.

We've all been compared to other's and when we don't measure up it can cause stress. Imagine, if you will, playing youth sports. You're doing your best. You make a mistake and you can hear the comments  from not only your coach and teammates, you also hear the spectator comments. If your play is what caused the loss of the game, you internalize the feeling of being a failure and of letting your team down.

So how do you migrate away from having a defeatist mentality and moving toward becoming confident? To be confident means to have faith in oneself or to have a belief that one will act in a right, proper, or effective way; it's the state of being certain; a state of mind or a manner marked by easy coolness and freedom from uncertainty, diffidence, or embarrassment.

Isn't it interesting that the word confidence contains the word "con" in it? Con means to swindle, manipulate (i.e. a con artist, a con game); it's something used deceptively to gain another's trust. Another way of looking at it is that you have to "con" or convince yourself that you are not what others think of you. Just because someone tries to put you down doesn't mean that you have to roll over and accept what you are being told.

There is a world of opportunity out there waiting for you and what you have to offer. With the change of one letter, you are able to turn confidence into "Can"fidence. You can do whatever you set your mind to doing. You just have to believe in yourself. Tell yourself repeatedly, "I can do it". If you make a mistake, so what? Mistakes are learning and growing opportunities. The shame in making a mistake is to continue to repeat the mistake.

As you begin to build your faith and belief in yourself, you'll begin to soar with your new "can"fidence. Others will take notice of the change in you.They may feel threatened and may try to manipulate you with negativity. Allow their negative comments to fall on deaf ears. As others try to tell you what you can't do, smile and say, "watch me"!!

Spinning The Wheel of Doubt...

Decisions, decisions, decisions. We can't get away from making decisions. We face making decisions daily. Sometimes making decisions can be challenging. When we're in a situation that requires action, we make decisions based on whatever information is readily available to us at the time. This could lead to making quick or snap judgements.

Positive and negative thoughts enter our minds daily. We can hold on to these negative thoughts, which can be stressful. We can make judgements based on these negative thoughts, which could take us down the wrong path and lead to doubt.

At times, we second guess ourselves. We begin to experience doubt by questioning ourselves, our capabilities and or our actions. Doubt creates a smorgasbord of questions in our lives which leads to a constant fear of being wrong. We begin to feel as though we are second best. Doubt causes us to change our minds because we lose faith in our decisions. We spin the wheel of doubt landing on different avenues of outside influence. We compare the decisions we make to the decisions made by others in similar situations. We feel (incorrectly) that others have better answers than we do and can handle situations better than we can.

When faced with self-doubt, it's like playing "Let's make a deal" internally, choosing between door # 1, # 2 or # 3, and hoping that we made the right choice. If we don't choose wisely, we can end up with chaos.

How do you make your decisions? Thinking things through is the best course. Part of the decision making process is understanding that you don't have to decide, solve or overcome everything at once. We should consider the rippling effects that our choices can have on our day to day lives and the impact our choices have on others.

As you spin the wheel of doubt, you'll land in and face challenges. It's okay to reevaluate any decisions you have made. When doubt comes knocking on your door respond with confidence. Be receptive to changes. Like a tailor adjusting a suit to fit, confidence will shape your attitude ridding yourself of doubt. You'll feel as though you are dressed in the most expensive clothes. So, step out knowing that you have faith in and are confident with your decisions.

Free To Dance

I enjoy dancing; the freedom of movement; no worries to think about. You can shift your body into different angles. You can dance fast or slow. You're free to just enjoy yourself; to be happy, not sad.

There's another way to D.A.N.C.E. ~ Deny Any Negativity Challenging Empowerment. Having the freedom of choice and of having clarity is like learning a new dance. Along the way you may get the steps wrong, you may fall or at times want to give up. You have to practice repeatedly to learn the steps.

Being free to dance is being able to prevent negativity from living inside of you; of being able to shake loose strongholds (i.e., stubbornness, jealousy, anger, bitterness, etc.), that are blocking you from being happy. When you D.A.N.C.E. you are loosed from any turmoil and or unforgiveness.

No matter how many times you trip over your feet or fall, you're able to pick yourself up and begin again. Fresh starts can be challenging, however, when you D.A.N.C.E., you can position yourself to allow different positive influences to enter your mind. You can maneuver these influences to alter any missteps. Your body will perform gracefully instead of performing with two left feet.

When you D.A.N.C.E., you gain more confidence. No more dancing around being insecure. You're not afraid of failing. You understand that each failure is teaching you and taking you to the next step. You become stronger.

Are you looking for ways to empower yourself? Then I encourage you to get up. Prepare yourself for new beginnings. Dare to step out and D.A.N.C.E.!!!

National Day of Prayer

Today is the National Day of Prayer. Not everyone prays or is a believer in Jesus Christ, however, there is one thing that is true. He has made an impact on the world. The Bible documents situations where people prayed based on their faith and belief that their prayers will eventually be answered.

I believe in prayer and what it can do. I have personally seen the miracles that occurred within my family and friends; children being sick, not being expected to survive and unexpectedly recovering. You hear of doctors being puzzled by illnesses, preparing families for the worst scenarios and then the patient improves. I have had the support of prayer teams. I have prayed over my family and friends and have rejoiced when they broke through strongholds of envy, bitterness, hatred, covetousness, etc.

Prayer provides you with an opportunity to have someone listen to you and not be judged. Prayer can provide you with the answers to questions you have. Prayer can provide you with the sustenance you need to make difficult decisions and choices.  I know what it's like to not have money for food, to pray, and to have your prayers answered. Praying, however, is not just about wanting and asking for things. Praying is also about getting closer to and knowing the Lord better, to hear His voice.

Do you believe in prayer? Have there been times in your life when you depended on yourself and things did not work out? Open yourself up to the power of prayer. Plug into the power of prayer and obtain additional strength. You'll be glad you did.