Thank You For Mistreating Me

As children, we've all experienced siblings or classmates that don't want to play with us. They exclude us from games, they ignore us, they call us names. Oftentimes, we don't understand why this behavior is happening. We chalk it up to possible moodiness. One moment we're friends, the next we're ignored. We are resilient enough to find someone else to play with.

When, however, we are called names and or ignored by our parents or siblings, the feelings we experience are different. How can people who we trust to love and protect us also cause us hurt by yelling. ignoring, and belittling us? At times, we may be told we're stupid, lazy, useless, always in the way, etc. We grow up believing what we're told.

As we enter relationships and marriages we encounter the possibilities of additional mistreatment. When a marriage ends, and you don't get the financial support you need, you feel slighted. When you're accused of wrongdoing or you're judged incorrectly, the unfairness can get to us.

Well, I say thank you!! Thank you to all the people who never thought I'd amount to anything. Thank you for not believing in me, for not supporting me. I didn't understand what the root cause of the mistreatment was and why it was happening in my life.

What I do know now is that I can stand on my own. People not wanting to include me in things taught me how to fend for myself. Excluding me from conversations, ignoring me, treating me as though I was insignificant taught me to trust in myself, to trust my judgements and decisions. For those that hated me,  thank you. You forced me to take a good look at myself and to make changes in my life. This caused me to believe in myself. The mistreatment matured me. Most of all, it led me to becoming a believer in Jesus Christ. I learned and understand now that God had a plan for me.

The trials and tribulations that I went through helped transform me into who God wanted me to be. Put your faith in the Lord. Allow Him to show you how you're belief will make you stronger. You will no longer have to ask why me; you can feel safe in knowing that you too will overcome the mistreatment.

So, for those of you who have suffered some type of mistreatment, thank the perpetrator(s) and thank God for showing you the way to a better life.

Being Ignorant Is A Choice

We all have people in our lives whereby we wonder what they're thinking. We question how or why they make the decisions or choices that they make. They don't want to work; they don't want to go to school; they don't want to study; they don't want to take care of their health, etc. There's a constant complaint of nothing good ever happening in their lives. They try to explain why nothing is ever their fault.  They may get defensive or argumentative. They don't understand why others may not want to waste any energy listening to the barrage of negativity. It's really not worth it to try to change the complainant's mind; to try to get them to view things differently.

There are people who just enjoy complaining about their life. Everyone is out to get them. They create a negative environment for themselves. They play the pity card. Nothing good ever happens to them. Why don't they have the same kind of luck that others do?

If you choose not to pay your taxes and you get caught, that's on you. If you choose not to study and you fail a big test, you only have yourself to blame. Why walk around feeling sorry for yourself?

This type of behavior is aggravating. Don't try to manipulate others into fixing your problems. Don't think that you are fooling anyone. You can be mad at others or even hate others for not buying into your craziness. There won't be any hurt feelings.

If, however, you really want to change yourself or your situation and you're willing to take action by putting a plan in place, then, you will find a lot of family and friends that will be willing  to support you. Take the necessary steps that will help shape & mold you into being a better person. You'll be much happier and less stressful.

Once you stop lying to yourself, you'll stop lying to others. Remember, being ignorant is a choice. You have the ability to stand on your own and be accountable for yourself. And, that's something worth cheering about!!.

You Are Cordially Invited To A Pity Party

Pity Parties. Seriously?? What's the purpose?

It can be so draining being around someone who is always in 'pity party' mode. They're never happy unless they're complaining about someone or something. The pity party includes a guest list of whining, misery, bad attitudes, insecurity, etc. All guests eagerly await the opportunity to voice their complaints about how they are or were mistreated. They're never happy unless they can finger point and lay blame at someone else.

They play games of manipulation, revenge and maybe even punishment. Their face lights up as they enjoy their slice of self-pity. Their gifts of "woe is me" is never ending.

Have you ever been around someone who won't accept responsibility for their actions? It can be very frustrating. It's never their fault. They use manipulation as a means to attempt to get others to join the party of discontent. They have a critical mindset that promotes fear and judgements. When this happens it becomes very easy to lay blame. Why remain in misery while holding on to perceived problems?

It's time to let go of the emotional manipulation. Stop the self-pity that allows you to continuously run away from problems. Make the decision to stop convincing others to jump on your bandwagon. Take a good look at what is going on in your life. Are you contributing negatively? It takes courage to look at yourself and admit that you are flawed.

Decide to make changes and be happy. By choosing to be happy you'll lose all the reasons you had to wallow in self-pity. Working through your issues is a sure way to remove yourself from any future pity-party lists. As you continue to grow and change, the need for pity parties will become a thing of the past. Now that's a reason to celebrate!!

The Rippling Effects of Our Lives

Have you ever considered the rippling effects that our decisions make in and on our lives? Whether a child or adult, our choices can create changes that will affect others positively or negatively.

As a child, our decision to not play with another child can cause feelings of loneliness, sadness and unworthiness. As an adult, the decisions we make can impact our marriage, families, job, career, etc.

Consider for a moment being a child standing at a lake. The ground is littered with rocks. You pick up a rock and toss the rock into the water. As the rock makes contact with the water, the calmness of the lake is disrupted causing the water to ripple outwards. Each of the ripples represent an area of our lives.

When you wake in the morning you are provided with an opportunity to determine how to start your day. You can decide that you're going to have a great day or, you can decide to immediately start thinking about and focusing on the challenges in your life. You may not understand or even be aware of your decision to focus on the negative. When things don't go as we'd like, it's important that we choose and respond correctly. How we make decisions are vital.

Ultimately, whatever choice you make will begin the rippling effect. It will determine your frame of mind and also determine how you perceive different occurrences throughout the day. It will determine how you interact with people.

Begin to make positive choices and or changes. Take the required steps to reduce the ripples by taking charge of your life.

Why Must I Go Through These Changes?

It's impossible to live your life without some type of change occurring. From the time we're little, well into adulthood, change is inevitable. As a child, change is a no brainer; you just go with the flow. Why is it that, when reaching the teen and adult years, change becomes more difficult?

When things become routine, whether good or bad, the tendency is to leave well enough alone. After all, why rock the boat? If changes pose a threat to our routine or doesn't feel right the changes can be met with resistance. Doing something new or differently, can provide feelings of uncertainty. As self-doubt creeps into our minds, we are taken out of our comfort zone. Situations will be different, especially, if we aren't prepared for the changes (i.e. changes in job duties, layoffs, marital status, etc).

Changes can cause strife and if we are on overload there is always the possibility of taking our stress out on others. Being irritable and stressful exposes us to conflict. Recognizing, understanding and dealing with the stress positively will diffuse the situation.    

When faced with making changes, we can choose to look at these changes as opportunities. Sometimes, change will move us toward learning new things. We can test the change, see if it's something that we can take on (i.e. new job duties). We can determine whether or not the change is a good fit, then, take the appropriate action.  

It's important to not allow any perceived negative changes to cause stress or keep us from moving forward. When you always look at things from a positive perspective, you begin to see the changes as changes for the better.

How do you handle the changes in your life?

Hospital Blues

I remember when being in the hospital meant that you would receive one on one personal care from the hospital staff. You were assigned a nurse who catered to your ailments and whose goal it was to make you comfortable. There was so much paperwork that had to be written, analyzed, documented and filed.

As I sit in the hospital room where my mom is a patient, I watch as she is being poked at and prodded. I'm thinking about how far a stay in the hospital has progressed. There's no longer just a nurse. There's also a nurse's assistant. A specialist comes in to draw blood. Another checks the vitals. Information is now typed into a computer that requires a login w/picture id and a password. There is also a person who wears a green vest with the word support on it. Their function is to walk around and assist the staff with any questions or difficulties related to the computer system.

Each activity related to a patients care is updated into the computer (typically as soon as the activity is completed).  There are so many people that make up the nursing staff. Watching as they all tried to get in the room to do their part was interesting. Amazingly, my mom's care wasn't jeopardized. The only frustration was that only certain "staff members" were able to provide updates on my moms progress &, of course, these members were very busy, often delaying the response time to questions.

Modern medicine and hospital stays have come a long way and I appreciate the progress. Overall, although I may have the hospital blues, my mom is holding her own and for that life is good.

Causing Hurt

Violence surrounds us. So many people are affected and impacted by violence. I don't understand the criminal mind whereby someone wants to cause bodily harm to another individual. What does one get out of causing injury? How can anyone justify intentionally harming another?

I wonder what goes through the mind of someone who deliberately seeks to harm others. Is there any emotion? When the plan is set in motion to inflict pain, does one shut the door to any thoughts of remorse or regret?

People want to place the blame for their behavior on their parents and or their life as the reason for having somewhat of a criminal mind. Once you turn 18 and become a legal adult don't you become responsible for your own actions? Whether you had a bad childhood or not, you have options as to how you choose to live your life. You can choose to be positive or negative. If you know your actions are questionable you can stop and rethink what you are about to do.

I am praying for those who have been hurt by others. I pray that they will not allow the negativity to close the door to their heart. I pray that they will forgive the person causing the harm. I am also praying for the person who lives their life with cruelty in their heart. I pray that they will come to realize the harm that their actions bring to others. I pray that they choose a different course; a positive course. It will lead to a happier life.

Swatting @ The Flies In Your Life

Picture yourself sitting in your backyard or at the park, picnicking on a nice sunny day. Everything is perfect until the bugs start flying around. We all know what it's like to have a fly or mosquito hover around us. At times we apply lotion that we hope will repel the bugs. When lotion isn't available, we find ourselves in the position of having to swat @ the insects in an effort to make them disappear; to move on to their next victim(s). We swat the bugs to keep them from attacking us, our food, etc.

This swatting process can be compared to our lives. We want to swat at, get rid of or kill off all the lying words, thoughts or voices we hear. The lies we hear take the form of false beliefs, untruths, convictions, emotions, etc. We hear these lies from family, friends, bosses, even from ourselves. Comments such as you're to old to change; stop dreaming, get your head out of the clouds; that's a silly idea, no one will be interested in what I think, etc.

Why is it so easy to "buy into" the baloney that people sling at us? Self-doubt creeps in and we start to believe the negativity. In order to free ourselves from the bugs that keep us shackled to the negativity or the disappointments, we have to apply our "lotion". We have to determine the causes that make us receptive to being attacked. What is your role in the sabotage? How and what, if anything, are you responsible for? Determine what habits, thought patterns or false beliefs you continue to hold onto. Ask yourself what purpose is being served by supporting the negativity?

Once you are able to identify the internal and external sources that are binding you to the lies, you will then be able to begin the grooming that will provide you with protection from being attacked.  Overcoming the lying voices, words and thoughts will transform you. You'll be in a position to focus on the positives. You'll develop a thick skin that will allow negativity to "roll off" of you. Difficulties will begin to ease. Self-doubt will disappear. Take charge; celebrate each change you make. When you are honest and live in truth, you will no longer have to worry about swatting @ the flies in your life.

Family Homeland Security

We have homeland security to protect our country. What precautions do we take to protect our families?

There's so much that can be taught to and learned from family. Many of family life lessons (i.e. trusting, beliefs, biases, etc.), are handed down generationally. Taking first steps or learning how to ride a tricycle are examples whereby children begin to learn about dependance and trust. Children expect that love, security, and support will be provided by their parents. Parents expect that their children will listen to, obey and respect them.

There are many trials and tribulations that a family will go through. What happens when the family goes off track? How do you get the family or family member(s) to reconnect? It's sort of like being on a scavenger hunt. You have to determine what the needs are and then follow your map until you uncover the hidden treasure. The hidden treasure would be the family value system. This is about feeling valued, about being listened to and about being able to voice an opinion respectively (whether you're the child or adult). It's about supporting each other and not belittling each other. Members of the family should feel safe to be themselves.

As part of family homeland security, families should adopt and promote the "we" culture and not the "I or me" culture. When family members disengage or separate from family, they shortchange themselves. Families need to understand that they are in this together, for life. It should be clear that the family will support each other through thick and thin. Parents will make mistakes along the way. Some of their decisions may even fall short. Children should not be afraid of making wrong choices, of failing or of being different.

Another part of family homeland security is that of avoiding negative forces and or scenarios. As an example, if an outsider gets mad and raises their voice to a child, a parents tendency becomes one of protection. What parent when standing there, will allow someone to yell at their child and not react?

Family homeland security should be clear to all family members. How do you promote homeland security for and within your family?

For All The Single Ladies Out There

Hey single ladies. Do you obsess over being single; of never finding "the one"? If so, you're not alone.

In older generations, girls were raised knowing that their lot in life was to marry. Young girls would dream about being a "princess" for a day. As women became more independent, views about marriage changed. Although marriage was still considered, it wasn't necessarily the priority. Women began to focus more on having a job and or a career.

No matter what the views are regarding marriage, what is often overlooked is the process one takes to find a husband. Some women have taken a proactive approach by making a list of what they want or don't want in a husband. The list is then used to "weed out" individuals that are not a "match" (similarly to weeding out a job applicant). Utilizing a list as the foundation for a relationship could be detrimental. There is the possibility of overlooking a "diamond in the ruff". When using a list, would the future expectation then be that women would begin to list what they will or will not bring to the marriage?

In The Bible, there is a story of Ruth and Boaz. Ruth's husband died and her mother-in-law wanted Ruth to remarry, possibly a man of wealth. Eventually, Ruth and Boaz did marry. In an effort to get the husband you deserve and not "settle", it's important that single women know what characteristics they want in a husband.  Settling will not get you a man like Boaz (pronounced Bo-as). Settling could in fact get you hooked up with broke-as; cheap-as; lying-as; dumb-as; cheating-as; and crazy-as.

Relationships are difficult on their own without having baggage added. The best approach to determining whether the relationship is marriage material is through communication. What are the game changers for you? What are the things you will or won't accept?  By being honest, open and listening you can determine whether the character traits you require in a husband are present.

Know yourself. Know your strengths. Be strong enough to know that there are choices. You may opt to remain single.  Or, when you least expect it, you could meet your future husband. The bottom line is patience and determination are required in order to get what you deserve.

My Name Is Regret

Throughout our lives, we make decisions that affect us in different ways. The decisions we make can sometimes lead us towards sadness, anger and at times regret. Making poor choices are the result of not wanting to hurt someone's feelings, to get even, to not deal with things, out of desperation or even out of spite. We wonder what we were thinking when we made some of the decisions we made.

When faced with difficult challenges or feeling as though we are trapped, we react rashly, emotionally, and stoically. We allow situations from our past to influence our decisions. There are times that we make decisions such as deciding to leave a job or a relationship because it's clear that it's not a right fit. We may feel sad or even feel as though we're a quitter. Maybe we think we failed. Stop spending time with someone or on something that doesn't allow you the freedom to grow. If we don't let go of what's not good for us, then, how can we make room for good things to come our way?

At times we will make judgments and decisions that just aren't good choices. These poor choices present us with learning opportunities. It is up to us whether we will heed the internal messages we receive and make any corrections.

One way of letting go of regret is admitting when we're wrong. Ridding ourselves of pollutants that keep clouding our minds is a step in the right direction. When things aren't going the way you'd like, then, stop, re-evaluate the situation and respond accordingly. This is crucial if we want to cease the continuous cycle of regretting our decisions and or choices.

Are you willing to make better decisions or are you comfortable living with regret?

Breaking The Piñata

I love piñata's. They are full of color and come in all shapes and sizes. Piñata 's are typically found @ children's birthday parties. The piñata's are usually filled with candy treats. When the piñata is broken, the treats are exposed, the contents spill out and the children scramble to grab as many pieces of candy as possible.

Like a piñata, our lives are shaped differently. We are stuffed with feelings and emotions. We face daily challenges that internally knock us around. We get overwhelmed with the "stuff" that we carry around with us. Why is it so easy to hold onto clutter from our past? Why do we keep repeating the same old behavior that keeps us stuck?

We struggle daily with our internal convictions as we try to portray a happy face, indicating to the outside world that everything is ok. When we reach our boiling point, we sometimes tend to expose our emotions to others. This can come across as sadness, silence, anger, etc. As often as we try to hide behind masks our true self continues to emerge. We're not fooling anyone. Our body language gives us away. Our bodies tense up which could lead to making hurtful comments (if we decide to speak at all).

We must be willing to take inventory of faults. We have to understand where any negative behavior stems from and be willing to overcome any perceived handicaps. Just as the piñata is broken, we must break any chains that are binding us to negative emotions or behaviors. We must be willing to acknowledge that we have faults and take the steps to make any required corrections or adjustments. We want the negativity in our lives to spill out so that we can make room for and create positive behavior and more happiness.

Have you ever experienced feelings of being stuck? Share with me below how or what you are willing to do to break your piñata.

  

Follow The Leader

Everyone wants to be popular. We want to be liked; to feel important. Our first glimpse of following the leader or the crowd is while in elementary school. There are the popular kids and then there are the kids that we think are geeky or nerdy. We sometimes base our opinions of others on appearances, how someone dresses, their weight, or even how they talk.

As children, we are exposed to our first experiences of what teasing is all about. Engaging in teasing is one way of feeling as though we are accepted. After all, if the popular kids see us teasing others, then, they won't focus on us, right?

Teasing is a form of bullying. We can all recall times when we were either teased or bullied about the way we looked, acted or talked? Or maybe you were the person doing the taunting? 


Have you ever witnessed someone being teased or bullied? Did you intervene or did you look away? It is tempting to follow the crowd because we want to be accepted.


No one likes to be mistreated. Fear, low self-esteem, sadness, insecurity, anger, and confusion are some of the emotions that surface when we follow the crowd. We allow other people's opinions to rule us to the extent that we are willing to participate in negative harmful behavior.


Take charge of your life. Make whatever changes are required. If you don't, negative behavior will carry over into adulthood. Don't allow others to mold you. Learn to stand up for yourself. Instead of following the leader, be a person of integrity; be the leader.

Me, Forgive You? Seriously?

On Sunday, I watched the conclusion of the TV series, The Bible. I watched in awe as people mistreated, ridiculed and beat Jesus Christ. Throughout all of His sufferings, He never complained and He forgave those who caused Him harm.

I found myself thinking about the times that I've been hurt or have hurt others. It's so easy to justify retaliation. After all, we can't allow others to "get over" on us. We have to "save face; get back at or get even" with them. You could bet that if you were intent on making me look bad or harming me in any way, that justice would be mine (as I did not support the "turn the other cheek" philosophy).

What I learned from this attitude was that I carried around anger, stress, bitterness and resentment. I built walls of protection around myself expecting that people were out to get me. Half the time the people I was mad at didn't even realize that I was holding a grudge towards them. So, why was it so easy to remain bitter? Well, for one thing, it allowed me to hide; to not deal with the issue(s). For sympathy, I could retell my story over and over. I could convince others to be mad at the people who offended me. I could even intimidate and/or control those who I felt deserved it.

As I got older, I realized that my attitude served no purpose. I had imprisoned myself in the same walls that were supposed to protect me. I was allowing the hurtful words spoken by others to affect my happiness. I had to resolve this inner turmoil. There was no benefit from my unwillingness to let things go; to forgive.

So, I needed to figure out how to forgive those who I felt didn't deserve my forgiveness. I then realized that I had it backwards. Yes, I had to forgive others, but, more importantly I had to forgive myself. I also had to seek forgiveness from those whom I had offended. That was the only way that I could heal and break down the walls I had constructed. Forgiving doesn't mean that I condone the "behavior". It merely means that I will no longer carry around excess baggage resulting from past hurts.

I made forgiveness a lifestyle. I can now forgive more easily because I've freed myself of the victim mentality that goes hand in hand with unforgiveness. I don't have to react negatively. I can let things "roll off" of me. I choose to extend the olive branch and be the bigger person.

Me, forgive you? Seriously? No problem!!