Have you ever dealt with an individual that argued with you no matter what was discussed? They can be opinionated, they may not find any value to your viewpoints and they may make judgments or conclusions with or without facts.
I often wonder what is going on inside of the individual that fills them with the need to always share their perspective, right or wrong. What is causing them to dominate or control the conversation? A few possibilities that come to mind are doubt, insecurity and pride.
When people are insecure there is a tendency to hide behind a "mask". We become vulnerable. We don't want to expose our flaws to others. Although we all have imperfections, we are afraid to allow others to see the real person. There may be feelings of inadequacies.
Doubt is when you are uncertain or lack confidence. You want to impress people or show others how smart you are. We have self-expectations. When these expectations aren't met we are disappointed, doubt sets in and our confidence plummets.
Pride is another area that leads to being argumentative. One can become prideful when feeling powerless, disrespected, or feeling ignored. When we are in a prideful moment, we want to defend our position. In a self-effort to prove that we measure up, our contributions to the discussion may take on a combative or argumentative role.
What does being argumentative accomplish? Absolutely nothing. It's like being stuck in traffic with your car overheating. You can't move. You see a warning light in your car indicting that there is some kind of trouble. Unfortunately, you don't see a way out. You can't move forward until traffic opens up and you are able to get your car to the side of the road. Arguing and or trying to be right all of the time is like being stuck in traffic. Until you are able to determine why you are being argumentative, you won't be able to correct the situation.
Expecting to see a behavior change overnight is unrealistic. It will take time to release oneself from the bondage that arguing has you shackled to. You 're not fooling anyone. Our emotions give us away. Stop hiding behind any anger and hurt. Be willing to correct any handicaps. Until you change the behavior, your true self will continue to emerge.
Another option is to understand that change for this individual can be slow. Depending on the situation, we've all had illogical rants (i.e. a parent defending their child) that have taken us from 0 to 60 in no time flat. The concern is when going from 0 to 60 becomes the norm.
So, what should one do when conversing with an argumentative person? The easiest answer is to avoid them or excuse your self from the conversation as soon as possible. That, of course, is easier said than done (as the arguer could be a friend, family member or even a boss). You can try to determine what is behind the behavior. Are they having a bad day? Are they feeling ill? Or is this a standard way of communication?
The words you speak and how you speak them matter. There is a big difference between sharing your opinion versus being argumentative. The main difference is that people will close their ears to argumentative individuals. Everyone wants to know that they are heard and are being listened to. If you are too busy arguing, you can never "hear" what others think and or contribute.
Your viewpoint is not the only one that matters. Be receptive to hearing the ideas of others, learning new things, or trying different ways to communicate. When there is a free-flow exchange in the dialogue you will find that people are more inclined to listen to your viewpoint. Isn't that ultimately what you want?
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